résolution de nouvelle année

j'ai seulement un. pour être plus près de Dieu, jusqu'à l'extrémité.

patience

being in the middle of a war, is hard. raising sons and daughters, is hard. memorizing for exams, is hard. designing a life-altering device, is hard. shitting, is hard too. everything seems hard, when you got slapped by a piece of paper.

you can have the luxury and the companionship, but don't mess with hope. i no longer believe. in my capacity. lies.

but it's okay...




it's okay...

deformation

like any metal, if you do work hardening on it, it will become stronger. there will be more dislocations in the lattice. higher yield strength.

but the cost of work hardening, would be ductility. but who likes ductility anyways. it's like the weakest characteristic ever.

goats are awesome

it's been a while since i last poisoned myself with the act of staying up all night for the sake of an annoying assignment. hell, i don't think there's one assignment that is not annoying in nature out there. using a cup of coffee as scapegoat, i pray hard that i won't be defeated by the blissful pleasure of letting your eyelids fall down like curtains would proudly do at the end of a marvelous show - the brilliant show.

okay i'm starting to feel the sign of defeat to the hands of flowery dreams. lalalala heee da da da du du paaa.

awesome show, alyssa :) i change my mind, i want to be a performer. not an engineer. can ah?

i feel miserable. and if doing something that could make me feel better is wrong, then i don't understand how human's head works.

eulogy

we are not related by blood. we are tied mutually by an informal bond that is bridged through the same belief.

i would not say that i personally know you well as we did not really cross each other's path a lot in the past.

i got to know you through your brothers, who were my classmates. who used to study together along with my other friends. i got to know you when we met once in a while at family gatherings.

i heard a lot from your friends and family, what a great person you are. and all that's left now, are patches and pieces of your adorable jesting, vivified smile, contagious exuberance and the very person that you are, in a figment form that occupies parts of our memory cells.

it breaks my heart that chances did not award me the opportunity to visit you, not even once when you were struggling and battling on the bed, in that patient uniform.

god bless your soul, on perhaps the night that every strong believer is seeking for, lailatul qadar.

crying my eyes out for your family's loss was certainly not a choice.

in loving memory of syahir lokman. you are loved for eternity.

renovation

school is already peeking its head out of its butt. and i realized that i was still in holiday mood. and i figured, this is bad, isn't this? i made a small calculation at the back of my head. so how is it going to be this year?

loose sheets or another bulky notebooks? with sheets, i tend to confuse which note comes first when i finally arrive to the note-reorganizing time later. placing dates on top of the notes did not work for me. with books, i tend to forget them at home.

i know right? it's not like my fellow centipede friends are going to bother to read them. but it's just my nature to be forgetful. god knows how it'll be when i turn 30. or 60. i'd probably be more awesome?

then i thought, maybe i should just type my notes instead. my macbook is awesome. being awesome is its purpose of living. then my buddy came up with this kind-of-awesome idea. i should write. then type them up at night or maybe on the weekend, as revision. ladies and gentlemen, i'll do, just that! well, i'll try my best to keep on doing that until the end of the term.

okay i like where this is going. i'm starting to feel the excitement of going back to school. so now i'm set. just need to decide on sheets or books. no more stupid stupidities that governed my awesome life last year.

raya is also peeking its head out of its... some other much more decent hole.

please don't. (said in ted mosby's way)

mission

accomplished. oh yeah. i finished reading the romance novel yesterday morning before I went to sleep. i'm having sleeping problem lately. my eyes need to sleep but i can't seem to shut my mind down.

by the way, the book was "chasing perfect" by susan mallery. not bad actually. a bit cheesy. and dirty. damn, i'm not reading another romance novel. euw.

i'm currently addicted to how i met your mother. i've been locking my eyeballs on laptop screen on average 62.5% of the day these few days. and today i found my head pounding after watching over 20 episodes non-stop. well, i did take a 5-minute break to pee. and another 15-minute break to have super simple iftaar. and occasional short breaks for prayers.

i then decided to read the newspaper instead, made myself a cup of tea and finally solved sudoku in the 'diversions' section of national post's arts & life. and guess what happened. the headache was cured. what up~ okay, so now i'm good for another round of how i met your mother marathon.

legen--- wait for it---
DARY!

p/s: initially, i accidentally posted this on mymac's website. haha.

when's a good time to be nerdy?

next month. the time is approaching. the days when I'd feel like self-mutilation sounds like a relevant avocation.

good news, everyone! i have a mission. and the mission is, to finish reading a novel before the school starts. this is going to be challenging for me as i had only finished one or two novels (excluding the ones that i had to study at school) over the past 23 years of my life. this would be super challenging for me, because it's a romance novel. i know what you're thinking.

you: what the hell are you doing, reading a romance novel? ouhhh~

because i got it for free ladies and gentlemen.

and my boiling desire to watch the big bang theory season 4.

penny, hofstadter, wolowitz, cooper and koothrappali

... and a little crush on dr hofstadter <3

this is what i call... lmao

oh btw, i love this layout. sets the mood for my final year.
oh well, i hope it works.

wow! haha

on being yourself.
if you're created to be who you are, but one day someone told you that you can't be this way. it's a sin. which means that you have to change. what do people say about hypocrisy? so now you have to be someone who you don't want to be. but it's okay cause you're on the right path. according to valid resources. i think you are constantly in a dimension of challenge. and i don't know. you don't know. we are just humans. and based on our belief, if you comply and you manage to pull through till the end of the day. my whole respect for you, my friends.

on fear of the coming.
you've tasted some of the worst. you know that it's going to be gruesome next. but preparations remain labeled as a plan. don't go crying to the pillow in the next 4 months. you're jealous of your colleagues who seem to have a target in their life. who know what they're doing and why they're doing these and those. but you're just living your life, acting like a cat. letting time decides for you. smart move, you ass. but i am not like everyone else. you said. you are aware of the fact that, people around you especially, are superhumans. does that mean you are also one of them? but what the hell are you doing here. are you missing something here? now you start thinking that there has been a mistake. what a strong creation would do, is to prove the mistake to be a mistake. what have you done about it? are you a strong creation? silently you said you're a weak creation.

on talking in shitty language.
oh so you think writing with lots of sophisticated words is awesome. and you can't or maybe will never be able to make such sentences. but it's not like you can really comprehend those. so what's the point of writing in fancy style of writing? might as well put it in your own hard copy of diary, the one you could put a lock, which the combination number is only known by you and only you. in your world later on, you can guess (and it will most probably be true), you would not need to have that skill of encrypting and decrypting love letters. just numbers and logic. so stop saying how you wish you could be more creative. creativity is for people who are destined to be an icon in the future. picturing you, as an icon in the future, i'd rather shit in my pants.

gadoh

kita ni manusia. ada akal. ada perasaan. ada toleransi.

entah la ape aku nak cakap ni. tapi sekarang ni, tengah rasa cam sedeh gile okeh. walaupun bukan masalah aku. tapi bila tengok orang yang kita kenal dalam situasi yang aku rasa tak patutnya berlaku, down gile dowwwww. tak masok akal la. kenape tak boleh berjumpa settle depan muka ke. main kutuk-kutuk. main buang-buang. ape nak jadi ngan dunia ni? T_T sedeh dow... itu lah dunia aku dulu tau...

And hold fast, all together, by the rope which Allah (stretches out for you), and be not divided among yourselves; and remember with gratitude Allah's favor on you; for you were enemies and He joined your hearts in love, so that by His Grace, you became brethren; and you were on the brink of the pit of Fire, and He saved you from it. Thus do Allah make His Signs clear to you: That you may be guided. (Al-E-Imran, 103)

semoga Allah bukakan hati kita semua... :(

tobermory trip

okay laaaaa kan, di kala kebosanan kat airport nih, aku cerita la sket time kat bruce peninsula haritu.

we were supposed to leave around 9 am in the morning but farisa who was supposed to drive from toronto and meet us up in orangville had some trouble renting a car because she's under 25. yup if you're not old enough, you're not allowed to rent a car here in ontario. especially in areas such as toronto, they are pretty strict on this matter. but nasri was a bit lucky. the guy working at the car rental was a noob. he didn't even check nasri's passport. in the end, farisa and her sister and mother had to take the bus to hamilton and rent one here instead.

cows are abundant along the journey, sunbathing

so it took us about 4-5 hours jugak la to get to tobermory. we stayed in this motel called peacock villa. but i didn't see any peacock there.

the downtown is on the left side of the road


the opposite side of the road, also the tip of the peninsula. go down a bit further and you'll see rocks and lake huron


big rocks soaking in clear water


a different side of the town

after walking around the small town. we grilled some chicken legs and wings that we brought from hamilton. it was kind of late (around 11 pm) and we were pretty noisy. well, there were like eight of us, there must have been something wrong if we were just sitting and eating there quietly. then there was this old lady who got annoyed and she opened her door and told us that we were too noisy. hahah we said sorry and she closed the the door. yikes.

next day, i had to do my quiz which was due at 6pm. so i worked on it the whole morning and we went out in the afternoon that day. we headed to the national park by car and took the horse lake trail, which was recommended by the worker at the ticket sales counter. there are 3 trails that you could take to reach georgian bay. we took the longest one. just for fun. from geogian bay, we walked along bruce trail and headed to the indian head cove. the view there was super awesome. it was so freaking beautiful. the breeze was nice. the air was so clean and refreshing. lake huron is so wide and it has a nice tone of yellow, green and blue, bounded by the horizon. we also went to see the grotto which is a small cave that has a small lake in it. sounds so simple. a cave, with a lake in it. but it's one of the most beautiful place i've ever seen.

the horse lake trail


a short pathway for the moist ground



at the end of the trail, we saw white rocks with trees further up


we then looked to the right and everyone went nuts, look at that ^ picture!


making use of my cheap zoom lens


we walked along the famous rocky bruce trail


at the beginning of the next trail to the indian head cove, we split ways. the guys and i went up the more challenging trail and we climbed up some nasty surfaces


the water taken from a higher viewpoint


the bruce trail viewed from a higher spot


also taken from a higher ground


walked up a bit further, reunited with the girls. georgian bay.



georgian bay, gorgeous view


at indian head cove, there's the grotto. hm can't see the lake inside from here. and i didn't take any pictures of the lake because i didn't bring my bulky camera climbing down the rocks. sayang camera. hahah.

we went back and had a barbeque again, this time, earlier of course. around 6pm. at night, we planned to go star gazing but i was so tired i went to bed early. but nasri said that it was cloudy that night so there weren't so many stars for us to look at, so they didn't go that night.

the next day, it was raining! initial plan was to take the blue heron boat that would take passengers on a tour around the islands of fathom five national marine park. but all the boats did not operate on rainy days. so went to a coffee shop instead. and farisa and her family went back early as well to london.

since there was nothing much to do on a rainy day, we spent much time in the motel room and watched world cup match. but around 5 pm, we decided to go kayaking and canoeing. so off we went to cameron lake. kayaking is so much fun. canoeing as well but i really prefer kayaking then canoeing. it's easier to navigate. we had an enermous pot of japanese noodles for dinner.

the next day, nasri and i drove to owen sound, which is another town which is the farthest town that go bus or coach canada bus could go to. since yasser finished his exam the day before, he went to join us on that day by taking the bus. we then went back and headed to water sports shop to rent snorkeling sets. at first, we thought the water wouldn't be so cold, so all of us decided not to rent the wetsuit. we went snorkeling to see the remaining of shipwrecks near the little tub (the name of the harbour in tobermory downtown). the water was cold like crazy pig. we had to run back to the shop to rent wetsuits. we were lucky that the shop wasn't closed when we got there.

the wetsuit wasn't much of a help. you can still feel the icy coldness with your hands, face, ears and the lower part of your legs (below knees, as the wetsuit covers only till the knees). still, it was awesome. the shipwrecks scared the shit out of us. the water looked like a haunted space at first. and after a while, our curiosity began to overcome the fear and we swam around examining the rest of the ships. there were three ships around that area.

the rental for the wetsuit is valid for one whole day. so we brought our wetsuits back and that night, we did go to the big tub (the lighthouse at the tip of bruce peninsula) area for star gazing. the sky would look prettier if the downtown area was less bright.

the next morning, yasser, nasri and i went to take the blue heron boat for the fathom five islands tour. we got to see another shipwreck near the big tub. this one was the more popular one because most of the ship parts are still intact and you could clearly see the build of the ship, as if it has just sunken into the bottom of the lake.

the little tub harbour viewed from blue heron V boat


one of the houses in big tub area

we also got to see the flowerpot island which is popular for the rocks at the shore of island. it was said that plants do grow on most of the rock, thus the name flowerpot. that's one gorgeous island, i hope i would get the chance to explore the island the next time i go there. we didn't get off the boat and walk around the flowerpot island because it would cost us more. haha. well, need to save up a bit for banff trip.

still intact


the big tub lighthouse


flowerpot island, on of the flowerpots

in the afternoon, we went out snorkeling again, at the area where we did star gazing near the big tub. it was stupidly cold but we forced ourselves to just dive in because we thought we didn't want to waste the rent for the wetsuits that we already paid for. haha stupid reason, actually. gile sejok!

the guys then went to have fish-and-chips all you can eat for dinner. i didn't go with them because i think i wouldn't eat anything that's worth $9.99 so it wouldn't be worth it for me. at night we just stayed in the room and watched a movie on the TV. at around 10.30pm we heard fireworks (chi-cheemaun festival celebration, chi-cheemaun is a ferry that transport passengers and vehicles from tobermory to manitoulin island) from across the street (yeah i forgot to tell you that the downtown is that close to our motel). all of us dashed out of the room, including peti, yasser and kamal who were sleeping soundly before this. hahaha. and we enjoyed the fireworks show for about 20 minutes.

the next day, we went hiking again. we took the burnt point loop and again, more spectacular views greeted us at the lookout point. i'm really amazed that the elements are all pretty much the same, you know, rocks, trees, lake, clouds, sun. but i still found each of them uniquely different, every lookout has it's own uniqueness. hahah.

nasri and kamal left earlier as nasri had to send kamal to the bus station in owen sound because there were six of us, the car could only fit five people. and then we went back and tried to rent a kayak because we wanted to kayak all the way to the big tub from the little tub harbour to see the ship that was still intact in the water. but we found out that all shops were closing early that day, perhaps due to chi-cheemaun festival. finally we decided to go for a swim at singing sands beach. it was fun. i don't have the pictures. yasser has them.

burnt point loop trail, one of the lookouts

in the end, we went back to our room, packed our things up and leave for hamilton that very night. in conclusion, bruce peninsula park is really awesome! anyone thinking of going there, YOU DON'T HAVE TO THINK, JUST BRING YOUR BUTT OVER TO THAT PLACE AS SOON AS YOU CAN! ahahah. semangat gile.

okay i'm really looking forward to this jasper/banff trip. going to sleep in calgary airport's concourse hall now before we start off our journey tomorrow after nasri got the car :)

ASL? 16/F/Montreal

in conjunction with the 99th post of my blog, i hereby declare that i will try my best to,

MASTER ASL!

I am addicted to ASL.

I've learned a lot of basic sentences and some basic phrases. will keep on learning and practicing.

what's ASL?
it's the acronym for American Sign Language :)
it's so awesome!

you think you're rich?

haaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiii :D it's been a while~

heee i have an exam on friday. but i haven't studied yet. hopefully i'll start with my revision tonight. i just got back from bruce peninsula national park. let me tell you where it is.


View Larger Map

that's north america


View Larger Map

right there! (B)

it's an awesome place. i love it there. i'll blog more about it later. with pictures of course.

halfi finally got the canadian visa, so he'll be arriving here soon enough. and on sunday, nasri, alias, yasser, halfi and i are off to calgary, alberta! we'll be going to jasper national park, yoho national park and banff national park for a week. i actually think a week is too short for 3 national parks. but, money is flowing like niagara falls, i have to limit my expenditure. haha.

andddd, since so many people were like, toy story 3 is the best. movie. evarrrr. so we're going to watch the movie tomorrow! therefore, i has to studiezzzzzz!

yellow

it's been a while.

so a quarter of my summer has been filled with quizzes every week and practices for this cultural event in mississauga called carassauga. this thing is pretty huge. there will be more than 40 participating countries that will share their cultures for three days, starting this friday. check this out! so i'll be performing for singapore/malaysia which actually focuses on malay culture. i will show some pictures next week, perhaps. we'll be performing silat, joget pahang and dikir barat. also, there will be a 'pelamin' as well on the stage and since there's one, there must be a couple for it to be occupied. we will have real newlyweds, who are going to tie the life's knot today, as the 'raja sehari' for carassauga. well, in this case, 'raja tiga hari' would make more sense.

what's next. i'm heading to banff at the of june after my final exam for engineering economics. that course is actually a pain in the butt. oh before that, a week before the final exam, i'll be exploring bruce peninsular with farisa, insyaAllah. also, i'm looking forward to go camping at algonquin provincial park.

there are some thoughts on a few topics that i'd like to share but right now i'm just not in the mood to do so. some other time then.

muahaha the power of bubble is mine


cuteeee

the 8th picture

I was tagged by Suha and I was instructed to do these,

1. Go to your photo files… Select the 8th photo folder.
2. Select the 8th photo in that folder.
3. Post that photo along with the story behind it.

This was during raya 2009, we were waiting for the bus next to Mac's hospital. It was a chilly afternoon, hence the jacket. We were about to go to the girls' house and behind me in the picture, were the cookies that my juniors (patrick, peti and... was it affan?) and I made for the raya celebration the night before.

This is kinda fun but I'm not tagging anyone. Anyone feels like doing this, please do :D

Study lah, bengong!

A bit of Maths and Science

Leonard Euler

This guy is awesome. He did Master of Philosophy and was studying theology, Greek and Hebrew when he realized that he could actually be a great mathematician. It was Johann Bernoulli who discovered Euler's great talent in mathematics.

One of his findings and contributions is the Euler Formula where you can write

e^(-ix) = cos(x) + i sin(x) and that e^(-i[pi]) + 1 = 0

Richard Feynman said that this identity is "the most remarkable formula in mathematics" and hell yeahhh I think so too.

He also introduced the use of function notation f(x) which denotes a function that contains x as the variable. He was also the first one to use the Greek letter sigma to denote summation and the letter i to denote imaginary unit. And, he introduced the use of Greek letter pi to denote the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter.

He suffered from blindness in his right eye in his early mathematical career. He was known as 'Cyclops' due to his worsened right eye condition. Not long after that he got cataract in his left eye. And all these did not stop him from being productive. In fact, his blindness was compensated by his mental calculation skills and photographic memory. It was reported that he produced on average one mathematical paper every week after he lost his eyesight.

I am starting to like math. I used to like math. Now I've fallen in love with math again. My source is Wikipedia. Yeah stop saying it's not a valid source of reference. Look at your calendar, it's 2010. Wiki being unreliable was an old story.

Biosphere 2

Not Bioshock. (By the way, I love Bioshock soundtracks). I watched this video on living in a human-made biosphere (the natural biosphere is the earth) by Jane Poynter. They built this mini version of earth, where they had a beach, marsh, forest and what not in a sealed building. They put in insects and bacterias to simulate the real world. There was a laboratory attached to one side of the building to allow for medical check-ups. She lived in the biosphere for two years and 20 minutes and in the video, she talked about her experience interacting with the environment to produce her own foods. How they, a group of scientists who got to live in the biosphere 2, grew their own sweet potatoes. I wouldn't mind living in the biosphere too for a few years. Pretty neat.

I'm taking a break from studies for two days. Next exam will be on next Tuesday. Almost done with third year!

boring, just skip this post

if I did not study enough, I would be able to accept this. but i did. I studied like a baboon, stayed up all night, sacrificing my sleep time, I rarely exercise nowadays, my heart is getting weaker I find myself panting like an old horse after cycling from my house to the traffic light across Cootes drive. I understood all the underlying principles of numerical methods. but what the hell was that? I knew what the questions were asking for, but halfway through answering the question, things looked super ridiculous, and handwriting worse than that of a chicken. epic giler lah.

daddy said yea it's hard, but you just need to accept the fact that failure is a possibility. You are just a weak creation and God knows what's best for you.

On no soul does Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns. (Pray:) “Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error; our Lord! Lay not on us a burden Like that which You did lay on those before us; Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Blot out our sins, and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us. You are our Protector; Help us against those who stand against faith.” (Al-Baqarah, 2:286)

I am trying to swallow this down. I thought I was strong enough, to go through this. I just wanted to tell daddy a happy news about my exam. but there was nothing happy to share with. i know he couldn't sleep last night because he was worried about me having to write two exams today.

Sooooo, to cheer myself up a bit. Just want to share this website; everyone, i mean everyone, no matter how buffed you guys are, if you visit this website everyday, you could find yourself saying "awwww..." with almost teary eyes, unconsciously almost everyday. I saw alias did that today nguahahaha. no need to hate yourself for doing that. cause those animals are cute i bet even babies are jealous at them for being cuter than them.

try me, bebeh!

huaaa I really love my parents. I really hope for a miracle that one day mommy won't have to take insulin anymore. praying for this every single day. please, miracle. i couldn't imagine myself in her shoes. sinking needle into my own flesh every morning and every night. of course, there would be one day when you'd feel like, leaving this world might be a great idea.

No matter how hard life is, it has to go on. If it's not destined for us to leave the world yet, then live it to the fullest. it's not an easy thing to do. some people forgot that they do have people who love them so much, far or near them. but with the suffering that they are experiencing, we don't have the right to say that. my eyes could almost channel the burden on people's shoulders, but the shoulders that are carrying the weight, they feel the real large downward force. so, as the owner of the eyes, i have to help them.

I should send cards to my parents every month. just to remind them that there is somebody who's on the other side of the world, like literally, the time difference is the maximum that you could have here, between these two locations, Hamilton and Malaysia. there's someone who's on the other side of the world who really really loves them. I love them so much and I miss them so much I feel like I'm going to burst into small particles.

I want my parents to be happy all the time. And I wish I could give them great news everyday. whatever news, anything that would make them feel proud and happy, and raising me since I was born was really worth the time and all the inputs, foods, money, patience, attention, love. love. love. the largest contribution for today's output.

ha.... another emotional post. sorry if this sucks. i am aware of that. any comments or critics, be my guest :) i'm just tired and numb. i would enjoy critics more than compliments. cause i'm starting to acknowledge the pleasure with all these fierce... happenings. haha. okay i'm really crabbed.

bricks

responsibility is an invisible weight that will always be clinging on your back anywhere you go. responsibility to the things that i own. whether permanently or temporarily (in other words, borrowed things). to those whom i love. family and friends, mother nature, and her children. to the university. then why did i skip classes? i have the responsibility to go to all classes. to do the best for my assignments.

but sometimes i forgot about this weight that is dangling on my back. it's like an extra limb. like how a cat would feel like, having a long tail. it's like, it's a part of me. so i realized, i need to able to separate my physical being from my responsibility.

i need to be able to separate my responsibility from my physical being.

anyhow, just remember. responsibility.
ultimately, as a rational creature. fulfill your responsibility. think of how you would feel, if you were somebody else, looking at yourself. would you feel sick seeing you being that way? would you feel angry with yourself for doing such thing? step outside the brick, linda.

saving us or saving the planet?

i can't believe there are people who thought that earth hour is ridiculous. i thought humans are humans, who have humane qualities and characteristics. and no one would say that cutting down electrical consumption for one hour is ridiculous.

i'm so disappointed.

i know like, one hour a year, like that is going to get you anywhere. but i think once everyone is used to this, perhaps we could do it more frequently in the future, say, every quarterly.

so disappointed. how can we save earth if people keep thinking that 'oh, what's the point, it's not that it would help making anything better.'

:( dear earth, i'm crying for you.

difference in the sample of population

someone's status on facebook

Cubalah Biasakan diri menyebut "Ya Allah", "Astaghfirullah", "La ilaha illallah", "Masya Allah" instead of kita menyebut "Oh my God".

like, what's the difference? aren't arabic and english just languages. and since when languages started to become a barrier for you to communicate or show appreciation to God?

knowing

i overheard this one girl talking to her younger brother who's probably 2 or 3 years younger than her, who asked her "what's 'Teriyaki'?" when he saw the word on the signboard of one of the food counters at the student centre: "Oh, it's chinese food." I was laughing silently and picturing myself pointing my finger at her and rolling on the floor, laughing my ass off. i mean, couldn't she tell by the red circle print on white background on the chef's hat and apron?

i accidentally wore a green sweater on st patrick's day. so i was one of about 80% of Mac students who wore green on that day.

a reminder to myself. the end does not really justify the means. in most cases, it doesn't. so modify your intentions, use your head. it's like turning the reactivity of a nuclear reactor to go above the critical condition just for fun because you knew that the safety factor of the reactor is much larger than the minimum value. it's wrong to do so as it would melt the core, but you thought it was safe and you're doing it for fun (like come on, life would be more fun if you're willing to do crazy things occasionally). but what if luck was just not on your side that day? like it or not, probability rules. eventhough einstein said god does not play dice. but god controls the whole universe, including probability. and people would have calculated that the probability of such accident to happen would be almost negligible, but it would never be zero. so even if there was a probability of a very small fraction of infinity, there is still a chance for an event to occur. this just shows that the world, the system that we live in silently agrees that there is something else that is controlling our surrounding. who else if it isn't our creator? god knows everything. the close ones may not know, but god knows. so use your head.

brownfield redevelopment

an underused parking lot. my assignment asks for a redevelopment proposal for this site. my group member suggested to have a community center but i was thinking of having a mini entertainment center instead initially. but i realized it's kinda ridiculous. so i did some more research and after asking for some of my friends' opinions i think that a research center would be a good one. the site is very near to the university and it's situated exactly next to a housing area with a football field and a huge grocery store on the other side.

the community center, my groupmate argued, would benefit the neighbourhood as it would provide services such as gym, sports courts, party rooms, conference room, kids day care and what not with affordable charges. in terms of the economic contribution, they said that the employment created and the revenue made from the services provided would help increase the GDP, the same goes for government spending which would increase in order to provide funds to the center.

but i, on the other hand, prefer to have a research center instead. a research center would be a valuable asset for the city both in the short and long run. aside from the creation of significant number of tertiary employments, it would also encourage the movement of professionals from big cities like toronto. indirectly, the spending in hamilton would increase as the workers would tend to rent local houses and spend their money in hamilton. in the long run, the researches made at the center would contribute to scientific and social improvements and also the government would probably offer funds in order to conduct the researches.

i also found about science park or technology park which integrates researches and businesses through the collaboration between educational movements and business institutions. science park also provide assistance and supports to businesses to invest in innovation or product enhancement. so i think science park would definitely contribute to the development of economy and the society.

brownfield: parking lot

but those two insist on having the community center. which makes me wonder, how capitalist i am at heart. hahaha. okay maybe i am not doing justice to the term that i used. but something like that. not really leaning towards socialism. like money is considered as one of the priorities. what do you guys think? which one would likely be the best solution?

thanks in advance for your response(s) :D

futuristic box

I received a newsletter from Best Buy Canada that "informs" the consumers that 3D TV is now available at Best Buy. I was like, 3D? Check out the website, there's even a "stylish" 3D glasses that need to be purchased separately (besides the cable, blu ray player, etc which also need to be purchased separately in order to experience the 3D-ness). Ape da... It's a 3D TV for physic's sake, why wouldn't the glasses be included in the package? It's not that I would want to buy it, those metal, glasses, plastics, and silicone are sold for $2500 (the smallest model) + tax together (as a TV) but I'd just like to point out how smart these huge companies are in maximizing their profits.


I went to bed early today, so I woke up early as well. 330am is early, isn't it? And I had an iced capp after I woke up. And it made me hyper. Avoid iced capp early in the morning people :D

I miss Bruges, Belgium. Summer 2009.

Ray: Bruges is a shithole.
Ken: Bruges *is* not a shithole.
Ray: Bruges *is* a shithole.
Ken: Ray, we only just got off the fucking train! Could we reserve judgement on Bruges until we've seen the fucking place?

"In Bruges", 2008

LOL, Ray hates Bruges. But I love Bruges so much.

the greatest gift

punishing and giving something because you deserve it are different. punishment would send you straight to the jail, losing all your freedom. now, a slap or a few light punches are actually fair if you've done something that hurts everyone around you. giving something when those people don't deserve it, i think that's just... not right. but well, everyone has his/her own opinion. so this is mine, and hope everyone can respect that. thank you.

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I have given everything that I got, I did my best. And if this is what I deserve or a test for me to become stronger, I accept that with a humble heart.

"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they have nourished me when I was young."

I asked my dad to call me today because i was crying so hard that I just wanted to talk to him. he tried to calm me down, telling me to not give up and not to be sad and worry. Once in a while i could hear mom's voice as well. it was around 130 in the morning in Malaysia. I felt relieved and stopped crying after talking to him. and 15 minutes later mom called me, trying to comfort me as well.

"you made dad cry, akak." T_T i didn't mean to, i said it's the only thing i thought of. to talk to both of my parents. and i shot thousands of apologies to mom, but she said, it's okay we are all in this.

and dad just called me and i asked did he sleep well last night. he said he couldn't sleep at all. I feel so bad and i told him i'm so sorry about it. but of course he doesn't mind at all. Dear God, guard my parents as they guarded me since i was born, bless them with happiness, tranquility and great health, and let me not forget to remember them in my prayers each second of the day. Dear God, I really really am thankful for having those two greatest people on earth as my parents. Thank you so much... T_T

sustainability

I was torn between these two locations in Africa when answering my geography midterm 3 hours ago. It asked to label the location which has the lowest human development index (HDI) and I knew it was Sierra Leone. But I just forgot the exact location, I know it's in Africa and it's a very small place and there were two locations that I wasn't sure of. It turned out that I chose the one up north. And I just checked the textbook just now. Haha well of course I got it wrong. That was Tunisia bongok. Hahaha epic failure at geography. well done Linda :D

I had an interesting lab today. There's a suggestion on having a 100-mile diet where food consumptions are restricted to productions that are 100 miles away from our home. Of course that's like almost impossible. But I was just wondering though, how did the people in the past, when there was no freight ships, planes or whatsoever ie no trades between nations, survive without having the foods that we're able to enjoy today. Like we need the carbs from wheat or rice, which would not be feasible or even possible to grow here in canada. Maybe it would be kinda nice if like a village to have its own farm and so the villagers would only be supported by whatever resources they are planting or herding. Hm. it won't be that simple. That's why we have everything commodified nowadays. but all these, stuffs. i believe somehow that the world has a limited carrying capacity. i do. but we are all so infused with all these, technology, lifestyle, we grow up experiencing the environment that we established the emotional attachment towards these stuffs. No wonder scientists are trying to plan on how to live on mars. check out national geographic last month's edition. hahah.

sustainability. to achieve it is, as hard as pronouncing it. (hahah?) i really want to be part of this. i will help you earth! okeh now MATLAB time. macam taik! hahaha.

I love snow

snow is such a beautiful thing. snowing is such a beautiful ambience. the world, is very beautiful. sigh.... thank you God

sejok pusak ya

i am disappointed with so many things lately. and surprisingly, it's not about my academic performance. may Allah open our hearts and let us see the truth.

wrong

so wrong. i don't care if you watch porn all day long. but a friend is a friend. we should protect each other and look after each other. and yet some humans stab each other from the back. liar, coward. if you really love your friends, please do find a way to leave this place. there's no need for people to tell you to do so, if you are really aware of your mistakes, you should be doing that. humans are unbelievable. you fooled me for 2 years. you're just unbelievable.

never enough

i think i am a victim, of a monopoly company's anxiety over the decline of its revenue. very unfortunate. and i feel so lazy right now, but my project report is due tomorrow. and there's also an assignment that is due tomorrow.

a test is a test. a test by God is also a test. and holidays are also a test.
what i'd really love to do tomorrow, is, to sit under a tree by the beach and play guitar. it'd be really really nice if that's possible and... doable. only in my dreams.

i really need a cat as a pet, but my landlord won't allow me to do so.
i want to bake some cookies, though i know my cookies are not like the best in the world. but i just want to bake.

i want to go out and walk around and snap lots of pictures.
i want to go to a talk, any topic would do. just for fun.
i want to volunteer, i've been wanting to do this since the first time i got here.
so many things to do but time, is all i'm lacking.

"By the time! —Surely man is in loss, Except those who believe and do good, and exhort one another to Truth, and exhort one another to patience." (Al-Asr, 103:1-3)

see how precious time is and yet you, ungrateful human, has been wasting your time happily and have forgotten the ultimate reason why you are where you're at right now.

Just saying

I'm not feeling well these few days. Two days ago I had a fever and I requested mom to call me. It turned out that she was doing some window shopping with my aunt when she received my text message. She scolded me for eating red meat everyday but I have no choice, it's hard to get chicken these days.

My project is finally working. I'm a bit worried though cause other groups' projects seem much more complicated than ours :| oh well, I'm still proud of our work.



Just need to prepare on the presentation now. And report of course. And another project, which is supposed to be harder than this one.

There was this incident that occured between a human and I, and this human being. I change my mind. I'm not gonna talk about it. Just want to remind everyone here and also myself: respect people. Watch your words and the way you talk to people. Even when you're doing it electronically and non-verbally, like chatting or emailing. Thanks to this particular human being, I now have a "dean's list". I know this sounds childish but it's just something that I automatically created in my head when somebody messes around with my system. The key word is respect okeh. Tolong la, budak!

And on the other side of the world, the country is dealing with religious (or perhaps not religous at all) attacks throughout the country. While the Johoreans are really pissed off by the act of this guy who insulted the late Sultan of Johore, there is also going to be hunger strike by another group of people who claim the right of having their language to be recognized in the education system. Any decisions that will be made now are going to be very, very unpredictable. What had happened since I left home?

Okeh, that's about it.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

thank you windows 7

i just installed windows 7 on my laptop. and i take back my words.

i love my laptop :)

it's so much faster, doesn't lag much. it takes like 10 seconds to shut down or start up. the interface is awesome. it's just gaaaaaa i just want to say, windows 7 rocks. if you guys have the same laptop as i do which is the hp tablet tx2000 model, and if you guys are experiencing some f-ed up times with it running on vista. dude, windows 7 is the answer for you. mine is running 32-bit and that already makes me smile all day. a friend said it'd be faster with 64-bit. maybe next time when i feel like reformatting it.

but i got lots of stuffs that need to be installed. unfortunately. but i'm still psyched about it being much faster.

p/s: after almost 2 years having this laptop, this was actually my first time reformatting it. yes people, i think my patience is unbelievable too.

hot prof?

today was a funny day.

my group mates and i were having this meeting for our 3bb3 project. we have to design the circuit for fridge door alarm. the circuit has to have an output which we had chosen to be a beeping thingy after the fridge door being left open for about 30 seconds. we're having a problem to tie the output to low for that 30 seconds period. the switch, in our case a pressure sensor appears to be triggering high output once it's closed. plus, we need to figure out how to discharge the capacitor when the door is shut after the alarm screams or when pressing the reset button :| we can't even decide on where to place the switch!

anyway, since we have only about 2 weeks left before the presentation and report dateline, one of us, another girl in the group suggested to meet Lapierre, our prof for the course and ask him what we've done wrong in the simulation. I thought there was no need to meet him (I just don't like meeting profs) and I also remember Jim, the lab coordinator told us that the TAs or prof won't be lending us their hands on this project unless we got really stuck. but she was so... maybe she just misses Lapierre so I was like, hm okay you talk to him. I'll wait outside. So off we went. and when we got to his office, I ended up to be the person who had to do the talking because it was my laptop that has our project simulation!

Lucu sungguh, I didn't bring my laptop battery so I told him, i would need to plug this in. and he was like, oh then we're in trouble and smiled at me. I was trying really hard to not crack a huge laugh, thankfully i managed to. he then unplugged his, i don't know, fax or printer and plugged my laptop in. and there was this awkward silence as we waited for my laptop to start up. dude, i hate my laptop! it takes forever to start up, every time! hahaha. so then we showed him the simulation and he was like explaining to us lalala and pointing and pressing the screen with his finger. my laptop which is a tablet started to show some right-click commands and he became kinda anxious about it. then he was like, oh is it a touchscreen? and poking my laptop screen a few times :| again, i tried hard to not laugh like a crazy witch and i managed.

there was also this point where he was like trying to navigate my laptop but he seemed to be confused at the touch pad (my laptop's touch pad looks exactly the same as the body, but with dimples). I almost rolled on the floor when I saw him trying out the left part of the laptop's body. hahaha.

he said he couldn't really be much of a help cause he doesn't have the solution to every single project. different batch of students will have different solutions to the projects. we nodded in agreement and before we left, i asked him regarding the description of the project. he then asked us the name of the project and started to look for the project title in the, i don't know, 60 pages maybe, of course manual, page by page. i started to feel itchy to tell him to use the 'find' feature in microsoft word. but i'm just really shy. seriously. after about a minute scrolling down the page, i finally voiced out, hm you could use the search... ( i was looking for the word button or tab in my head) and he went oh yea! that's a great idea. and it took him less than 5 seconds to find the project description. my group mates then looked at me with wide smiles, all of them trying hard not to laugh out loud. and this time, i couldn't help it, and a giggle escaped from my throat, just a short one, and he turned to me and said, what? with a shy smile. i covered my mouth and said sorry and he turned back to his laptop. okay i swear i wasn't laughing at him. i was laughing at my group mates who looked very entertained by my act.

so i went on to turn off my laptop and he saw my cat picture on the desktop and he asked. oh is that your cat? i said yes and smiled. he said, i have 3 cats. oh really? niceee. well i have more than 10. he was like, more than 10? i thought 3 is a lot! hahaha. and as we waited for my laptop to shut down, he made a remark, "holy cow it takes so long to shut down", with round eyes. hahah the other guy in the group who has the same laptop (but different model though) said yea i have the same thing, it's just really slow. hahaha and finally it shut down.

on our way back home, the other girl in my group told me, linda you made his face turned red just now! and we laughed out loud as we went out of JHE and headed back to hamilton hall. hahaha, there goes lapierre, fana's and sabrina's favorite :P

lazy

I just came back form a 3-hour math class. Cauchy integral formula, Green's theorem, and from Cauchy integral, Taylor series suddenly popped out. I'm not much of a fan of Cauchy :|
Dude, my head was almost dead by the last one hour period. I pity the prof, who is old enough to be pitied for having to stand up most of the time within 3 hours of lecturing and writing on the board. There was a point when he was actually asking us how to end the sentence that he was about to end and we all laughed.

Life has been, better I guess, this term. But I'm predicting that it will get messier next few weeks. I got from my geography class, "the future is unpredictable." Sounds very common and you know, like, hm d-uh. But it just got me thinking for a while how the future holds a lot of surprises. Sent a tickling sensation to my guts. excited but not so comfortable.

I haven't said anything about my winter trip yet. hmm, actually too lazy to choose pictures and all. I'll have to postpone it. All I can say is, I love travelling. Deep sea snorkeling was the best experience during the one week duration of getaway.

To end this tonight, I hope that the victims and their relatives, of the earthquake in Haiti are given strength and patience to go through the hardships. Sometimes we are too focused on our own lives, and we keep on going and going, perhaps we need to 'bremsstrahlung' ourselves for a while, without stopping of course, and just try to look around and lend some attentions and ears. And just think about other people who are in need of help.

So our god has a special name, and you can't use it

It just blows my mind that there seems to be an ever-stretching gap between different believers in my own country. The cow head issue had already made me feel so humiliated for being categorized as a Malay. Thank God I am half Iban, so i feel about 50% of the shame only. Hehe. And now, with the church burning issue. What the hell is wrong with Malaysians la... Well actually, Malays, some of them. maybe most of them. I don't know. And I, being the kind of person who doesn't actually read news everyday, became very curious and started to look for answers. It appears that it was all because of this.

"... the verdict of the Kuala Lumpur High Court which granted the use of the term “Allah” in the publication of “Herald-The Catholic Weekly”." - Utusan Online

-_- I don't think there's anything wrong with the usage of that term by other human beings. I remember when I was like 15, I tried to read a Bible in the library because I was curious of how similar Bible and Al-Quran are. But at that age, I found that I couldn't really understand the old English language so I never really managed to answer my curiosity. Instead, it faded away just like that. But one thing I remember was that I think I saw the term "Allah" in it and since then, I just thought that so there is another religion that uses the term to refer to God. And I never felt angry or whatsoever about it. (Okay maybe I was wrong, my memory has become so distorted, I've lost a very huge part of my childhood memories, thanks to SPM, IB and now university). But I am very sure that I knew that some other believers do call their god Allah long before this thing got into court and media. Hm so for some people I am one sinful kid. I really can't find any logic why other human beings, who are also Allah's creations, to have their rights denied to call their god "Allah". By the way, if you want to protest, there is really no need to burn other people's sacred place. God, that group of people really annoys me.