quantized being

i really need to boost up my spirit. life has been so stressful and full of disappointment. I can't even pretend to be happy anymore. what to dooooooooo? :(

sorry to mimie, wawa, paris and anas who had been worried about me last week. thank you so much for caring. i know it's kinda gedik of me to do that. tension2 nak deactivate fb la, nak privatize blog la. but i guess i arrived to this point in my life where i felt like being disconnected from the world could bring me more peace and self-control.

i feel so weak these few days. and final exams are approaching.
from the universe point of view, i am only at a nano-scale. or perhaps pico or much less than that. i should be able to tunnel through any barriers. i don't know what went wrong, maybe the voltage applied to the barrier is too large. so i need to reconfigure my surroundings. but i don't know how and where to start.

maybe that's why we still can't find the one equation that could describe both the microscopic and macroscopic worlds. cause our wavelengths just do not coincide with the other spectral regions. talk about quantum tunneling.

i want to break free.

how come

i never realized that happiness is actually something that you can't share with someone else?
adeh... it's really demotivating when i have set my mind today that i am going to be good to everyone, that i'll try my best to be a better servant but at the end of the day i didn't get the response that i was hoping for. i really don't mind anymore.

*lets out a long sigh*

maybe this was the wrong path after all :(
and now i'm stuck. i can't say to my parents "mommy daddy i want to go home and be a kindergarten teacher."

i am just so disappointed with my life right now. i really really wish that I can turn back time. i know it's impossible. just saying. not sure if saying this would make me feel any better. but. *sighsssssssssssssss* for now, just stay away from my life. this hatred is just eating me up. right now.

:(

almost there

i have to do a presentation for my microsystems course next month. i don't like talking and standing in front of the audience :( things have been better for me. worried about my termal-fluid course. i think i screwed up my midterm. other stuff, as usual lab reports, assignments. never ending.

will be off to florida in winter. if everything goes as planned, will be seeing my beloved cousin who's in penn state right now. i miss her so much. i'd be so happy if she would really join me in this trip. and then seeing two of my MCB classmates as well. really looking forward to this.

operational amplifiers, heat transfer, quantum efficiency, born-Oppenheimer approximation, frobenius method, chi-square distribution. OMG i'm a physicist?


A FREAKING PHYSICIST who can do ENGINEERING, I AM? unbelievable. this really never crossed my mind.

hilarious.

the physics of aging

O Allah, I seek forgiveness for every sin, I committed, about which, of course, You know inside and out, from the beginning to the end of my life, whether committed deliberately or intentionally, few or many, abstruse or manifest, old or new, secretly carried out or openly done; and for whatever wrong I have done I turn repentant unto You and beseech You to bless Muhammad and the children of Muhammad and forgive all my unjust acts I did to wrong the people (because they have rights which I have to recognize and fulfill) but You have full authority to forgive those wrongdoings whenever and howsoever You wish, O the most merciful.

Dear God, thank you for everything.
Can't believe I'm already 22 hahaha.

Sigh

He's killing me.