halfway through

third year. been through the first half of my 4-year studies. things are getting tougher i'm already worried about my final year.

i have no idea what's wrong with me. i received my raya biscuits package today. the postage is more expensive then the biscuits themselves haha. And i was so happy, getting something that's from home. something that has been touched by my parents who wrapped the containers and brought them to the post office. And I saw my dad's awful handwriting. Suddenly it seems like the most beautiful handwriting in the world. i cut off the address part along with the RM78-stamps and threw away the rest of the package. and i wish to keep the address part, which contains my dad's serenely beautiful handwriting...

my excitement was erased completely when i found that one of the containers was broken, the biscuits inside there were crushed so bad, i could hardly tell which kind of biscuit they were. later i realized the huge pieces of almond nuts that are not already in their respective paper cups. i guess it must be "almond london" la kan. i picked up every pieces and placed them back evenly into the empty cups that i could find. at the end of the transferring into another decent container, i found that my heart was already crushed, just like those crushed biscuits. i know, right? no big deal. it's common for this to happen. unless if the biscuits are hard like rocks, then this wouldn't happen at all. but it just saddens me that, the things that i got from home are crushed like that. though these are, not permanent stuff (it's not like i'm going to put them all on my shelf for display), it still makes me upset.

mom bought the wireless internet though we already have streamyx at home. but she said she's worried about not being able to chat with me online cause my parents were going back to Malacca a few days ago. The fact that she made that effort just to make sure that we would not lose contact for about a month, makes me think a lot whether I am capable of talking to them on the phone on raya's eve. i called them every year. but i never felt this hard before T_T

and this morning my junior posted this video



that managed to make my eyes sore till the end of the day. i was wondering if i am ever going to be like those children, or if i've already been one. "Mak tau korang semua busy." that's what my mom told me too. and right now i feel angry about my courses which are already giving me a lot of hard times, i can't chat with her as frequent as i used to. i hope i would not turn into that kind of child if i were to be destined to become successful one day...

seriously i feel like going through puberty for the first time all over again. i just can't get it, where did all these feelings come from? i'm kinda afraid of these changes. but the feeling is just aching down there. i miss my family super badly T_T

not so happy one

i've been bothered lately by school. and housemates. i really really hope my housemates this time are very nice and clean people. and school. i have 7 courses this term. and there are no final exams for two of them, my thermofluid course and my elective, microsystem technology. the microsystem course requires individual presentation as well as written report based on a project which can be chosen from a list of 60 topics. and the list is like some kind of alien language to me. i'm so worried. i think i'm panicking.

huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

yes, indeed. i am. panicking.

i hate presentations. and there's already an assignment due this friday, though classes just started a few days ago. i don't know why but i'm really scared. of school. but i have this, mountain of hope on my shoulder.

raya is coming soon. i miss my family. when i was home, i always felt upset when my mom delivered some "lectures" to me. yes. i still annoy my mom sometimes. hahaha. dad also knows how to lecture his children now. how my old peeps have changed. i remember when i was a kid, my parents were so strict. actually, strict is not the word. i don't know how to say 'garang' in english. but oh well, how i miss both of them right now...

i really want to go back home next year, and catch raya, i don't care if i had to skip a few classes next fall. i want to have a proper raya with my family, at my grandparents house. i just love the ambience.

chasing 'ayam kampung', nenek would be so happy to cook sambal ayam kampung for me. she knows it's my favourite. making 'kuih koci'. i used to help grandma baking pineapple tarts, sampret, maruku, gunting, bahulu, and so much more when raya was around the corner. this is my third, meaningless raya. i know i'm supposed to look at it in a more religious perspective. but i don't know, family is also a blessing from God, and I just can't take it off the equation.

perhaps, the first tears after two years of cold-blooded Eid.

did i mention that i love cats?
i love cats so much. i went to the International Cat Show at Copps Coliseum this morning and i found myself resisting very hard to explode like a stuffed blowfish. because cats are just the most elegant, cutest, most adorable, beautiful four-legged harmless creature on earth T_T

falling into niagara

went to niagara falls two days ago. i seriously am disappointed with my L. I need to upgrade my L!!!!!! T_T but i still love niagara falls. i made a promise, that one day, i am going to bring mommy daddy and amey here. and i'm gonna ride on the maid without a poncho. and walk behind the falls without a poncho. this is, my dream. yay.

Niagara ftw!

why can't i just forget everything that would make other people feel miserable every time i think of it? i hate myself.