garbage bin

new addiction

2011-12-13T11:56:00.000-05:00

Found this awesome website where you get to learn the capitals of countries on this planet.

i seriously find this thing very entertaining

Learn them ALL

lunar eclipse

2011-12-11T13:14:00.000-05:00

meh, i missed the total lunar eclipse. it was very cloudy that night. okeh, pictures!

penumbral lunar eclipse, this is when the moon passes through the the earth's penumbra

partial lunar eclipse, when the moon enters the earth's umbra

warninggg: this is not an accurate cycle of lunar eclipse phases. i just edited the pictures into this for fun. it is in fact too far from being accurate, there would be no reason for you to steal this picture and claim it to be yours. well, it could be an accurate model, probably in parallel universe. oooooohhhhhh~

So yeah I missed the part when the moon was completely in the umbra region. due to light refraction on the earth surface, the moon appears to be reddish even though it is actually in the darkest area of the shadow. okthnxbai.

Insha-Allah

2011-11-07T08:56:00.000-05:00

From this day on, I promise to myself that I will always think good of other people. And I promise to do good deeds for the sake of Allah's pleasure, for it is not merely about accumulating rewards.

Bombastic Barley

2011-06-12T02:21:00.000-04:00

This could be the most awesomest summer treat for you guys. prepaaaare yourselves!

This recipe is owned by Sabrina Barhan and Linda Anuar!

2 handfuls of barley (hand size: small, like asianly small)
1/2 can of coconut milk (approximately 225 mL ± 25 mL)
5 tablespoons of sugar

*First, boil the barley until it expands and turns translucent.
*Then, add in coconut milk and after stirring the mixtures a bit, add sugar to the mixture.
*Let the mixture simmer and stir occasionally.

Best served hot or cold. Enjoy!

Okay, it doesn't look that good in the picture, but it tastes goooodddd :D

To mom and dad, welcome to Canadaaaaaa <3

Hi

2011-05-30T01:44:00.000-04:00

Education
Work
Humble
Incapable
Fear
Kinship
Ambition
Secrets

50% of the particles that compose me is considering education as the next step. the rest is voting to settle for a job. and the remaining words are here juggled up in my mind. there is a fine line between anxiety and prudence. and i cannot decide which one is it.

work it, dude.

neutron radiography lab. transparency has a limit. how far can we go?

good night winter

2011-04-12T02:18:00.001-04:00

you're leaving us, but your cold fart still reminds us of you.

yasey yang gagah, peter reuters took this picture.

Hell Yeah!

2011-04-07T20:29:00.002-04:00

Nintendo 3DS Friend Code :D

2011-04-04T03:52:00.001-04:00

I am looking to add random friends on my 3DS friend list. So pleaaaassseee add meeeeee :D

3737-9549-9544 lynn

and comment your friend code and name because i have to know yours as well.

c'est mon 3DS. et c'est noir. j'aimeeeee

less than a month

2011-03-16T02:55:00.000-04:00

okay seriously, when you know that you've got less than a month before you lose the 'student' title, everything is subject to involuntary procrastination.

i have a lab report due at 5pm and I haven't started a shit. i play this shit instead.

mommy and daddy are coming to townnnnn :') and good bye 'friends'.

free

2011-02-12T13:00:00.000-05:00

always feel like crying every time i watch the celebration in tahrir square video. the fight for what is right. the love for the country that bears our history. or maybe i am just too sensitive. the people who lost their lives will be remembered.

this guy was kidnapped probably for starting out the protest through facebook. more details here.

lab reports overload

another eulogy

2011-01-01T21:18:00.001-05:00

i know about her past. a very strong person, with a very strong heart. some people would have taken their own lives after going through everything that she had gone through. her husband, whom for everyone in our family, was her savior. no matter how dirty those pages were, despite the hateful talks behind our back, he accepted her into his life in the name of God and love.

he was diagnosed with cancer about three years ago. that time, the doctor said that he only had three months left. but i got to see him during raya celebration when i went back home last two years. in the same year, they finally got to hold their first child, though their DNAs do not coincide at all, i saw and felt the true happiness. their happiness. their son is now about one and a half years old. and his dad had to leave him. forever.

i pray for mak uda's strength. as well as fiqri's, the little boy.

pak uda... you will always be in our hearts.

résolution de nouvelle année

2010-12-30T14:36:00.002-05:00

j'ai seulement un. pour être plus près de Dieu, jusqu'à l'extrémité.

patience

2010-12-23T17:07:00.002-05:00

being in the middle of a war, is hard. raising sons and daughters, is hard. memorizing for exams, is hard. designing a life-altering device, is hard. shitting, is hard too. everything seems hard, when you got slapped by a piece of paper.

you can have the luxury and the companionship, but don't mess with hope. i no longer believe. in my capacity. lies.

but it's okay...

it's okay...

deformation

2010-11-20T19:40:00.003-05:00

like any metal, if you do work hardening on it, it will become stronger. there will be more dislocations in the lattice. higher yield strength.

but the cost of work hardening, would be ductility. but who likes ductility anyways. it's like the weakest characteristic ever.

goats are awesome

2010-11-11T22:43:00.003-05:00

it's been a while since i last poisoned myself with the act of staying up all night for the sake of an annoying assignment. hell, i don't think there's one assignment that is not annoying in nature out there. using a cup of coffee as scapegoat, i pray hard that i won't be defeated by the blissful pleasure of letting your eyelids fall down like curtains would proudly do at the end of a marvelous show - the brilliant show.

okay i'm starting to feel the sign of defeat to the hands of flowery dreams. lalalala heee da da da du du paaa.

awesome show, alyssa :) i change my mind, i want to be a performer. not an engineer. can ah?

2010-09-30T21:57:00.002-04:00

i feel miserable. and if doing something that could make me feel better is wrong, then i don't understand how human's head works.

eulogy

2010-09-08T12:30:00.002-04:00

we are not related by blood. we are tied mutually by an informal bond that is bridged through the same belief.

i would not say that i personally know you well as we did not really cross each other's path a lot in the past.

i got to know you through your brothers, who were my classmates. who used to study together along with my other friends. i got to know you when we met once in a while at family gatherings.

i heard a lot from your friends and family, what a great person you are. and all that's left now, are patches and pieces of your adorable jesting, vivified smile, contagious exuberance and the very person that you are, in a figment form that occupies parts of our memory cells.

it breaks my heart that chances did not award me the opportunity to visit you, not even once when you were struggling and battling on the bed, in that patient uniform.

god bless your soul, on perhaps the night that every strong believer is seeking for, lailatul qadar.

crying my eyes out for your family's loss was certainly not a choice.

in loving memory of syahir lokman. you are loved for eternity.

renovation

2010-09-07T02:46:00.003-04:00

school is already peeking its head out of its butt. and i realized that i was still in holiday mood. and i figured, this is bad, isn't this? i made a small calculation at the back of my head. so how is it going to be this year?

loose sheets or another bulky notebooks? with sheets, i tend to confuse which note comes first when i finally arrive to the note-reorganizing time later. placing dates on top of the notes did not work for me. with books, i tend to forget them at home.

i know right? it's not like my fellow centipede friends are going to bother to read them. but it's just my nature to be forgetful. god knows how it'll be when i turn 30. or 60. i'd probably be more awesome?

then i thought, maybe i should just type my notes instead. my macbook is awesome. being awesome is its purpose of living. then my buddy came up with this kind-of-awesome idea. i should write. then type them up at night or maybe on the weekend, as revision. ladies and gentlemen, i'll do, just that! well, i'll try my best to keep on doing that until the end of the term.

okay i like where this is going. i'm starting to feel the excitement of going back to school. so now i'm set. just need to decide on sheets or books. no more stupid stupidities that governed my awesome life last year.

raya is also peeking its head out of its... some other much more decent hole.

please don't. (said in ted mosby's way)

mission

2010-09-03T03:10:00.005-04:00

accomplished. oh yeah. i finished reading the romance novel yesterday morning before I went to sleep. i'm having sleeping problem lately. my eyes need to sleep but i can't seem to shut my mind down.

by the way, the book was "chasing perfect" by susan mallery. not bad actually. a bit cheesy. and dirty. damn, i'm not reading another romance novel. euw.

i'm currently addicted to how i met your mother. i've been locking my eyeballs on laptop screen on average 62.5% of the day these few days. and today i found my head pounding after watching over 20 episodes non-stop. well, i did take a 5-minute break to pee. and another 15-minute break to have super simple iftaar. and occasional short breaks for prayers.

i then decided to read the newspaper instead, made myself a cup of tea and finally solved sudoku in the 'diversions' section of national post's arts & life. and guess what happened. the headache was cured. what up~ okay, so now i'm good for another round of how i met your mother marathon.

legen--- wait for it---
DARY!

p/s: initially, i accidentally posted this on mymac's website. haha.

when's a good time to be nerdy?

2010-08-22T15:25:00.007-04:00

next month. the time is approaching. the days when I'd feel like self-mutilation sounds like a relevant avocation.

good news, everyone! i have a mission. and the mission is, to finish reading a novel before the school starts. this is going to be challenging for me as i had only finished one or two novels (excluding the ones that i had to study at school) over the past 23 years of my life. this would be super challenging for me, because it's a romance novel. i know what you're thinking.

you: what the hell are you doing, reading a romance novel? ouhhh~

because i got it for free ladies and gentlemen.

and my boiling desire to watch the big bang theory season 4.

penny, hofstadter, wolowitz, cooper and koothrappali

... and a little crush on dr hofstadter <3

this is what i call... lmao

oh btw, i love this layout. sets the mood for my final year.
oh well, i hope it works.

wow! haha

2010-07-21T19:53:00.003-04:00

on being yourself.
if you're created to be who you are, but one day someone told you that you can't be this way. it's a sin. which means that you have to change. what do people say about hypocrisy? so now you have to be someone who you don't want to be. but it's okay cause you're on the right path. according to valid resources. i think you are constantly in a dimension of challenge. and i don't know. you don't know. we are just humans. and based on our belief, if you comply and you manage to pull through till the end of the day. my whole respect for you, my friends.

on fear of the coming.
you've tasted some of the worst. you know that it's going to be gruesome next. but preparations remain labeled as a plan. don't go crying to the pillow in the next 4 months. you're jealous of your colleagues who seem to have a target in their life. who know what they're doing and why they're doing these and those. but you're just living your life, acting like a cat. letting time decides for you. smart move, you ass. but i am not like everyone else. you said. you are aware of the fact that, people around you especially, are superhumans. does that mean you are also one of them? but what the hell are you doing here. are you missing something here? now you start thinking that there has been a mistake. what a strong creation would do, is to prove the mistake to be a mistake. what have you done about it? are you a strong creation? silently you said you're a weak creation.

on talking in shitty language.
oh so you think writing with lots of sophisticated words is awesome. and you can't or maybe will never be able to make such sentences. but it's not like you can really comprehend those. so what's the point of writing in fancy style of writing? might as well put it in your own hard copy of diary, the one you could put a lock, which the combination number is only known by you and only you. in your world later on, you can guess (and it will most probably be true), you would not need to have that skill of encrypting and decrypting love letters. just numbers and logic. so stop saying how you wish you could be more creative. creativity is for people who are destined to be an icon in the future. picturing you, as an icon in the future, i'd rather shit in my pants.

gadoh

2010-07-10T21:22:00.002-04:00

kita ni manusia. ada akal. ada perasaan. ada toleransi.

entah la ape aku nak cakap ni. tapi sekarang ni, tengah rasa cam sedeh gile okeh. walaupun bukan masalah aku. tapi bila tengok orang yang kita kenal dalam situasi yang aku rasa tak patutnya berlaku, down gile dowwwww. tak masok akal la. kenape tak boleh berjumpa settle depan muka ke. main kutuk-kutuk. main buang-buang. ape nak jadi ngan dunia ni? T_T sedeh dow... itu lah dunia aku dulu tau...

And hold fast, all together, by the rope which Allah (stretches out for you), and be not divided among yourselves; and remember with gratitude Allah's favor on you; for you were enemies and He joined your hearts in love, so that by His Grace, you became brethren; and you were on the brink of the pit of Fire, and He saved you from it. Thus do Allah make His Signs clear to you: That you may be guided. (Al-E-Imran, 103)

semoga Allah bukakan hati kita semua... :(

tobermory trip

2010-06-29T03:54:00.009-04:00

okay laaaaa kan, di kala kebosanan kat airport nih, aku cerita la sket time kat bruce peninsula haritu.

we were supposed to leave around 9 am in the morning but farisa who was supposed to drive from toronto and meet us up in orangville had some trouble renting a car because she's under 25. yup if you're not old enough, you're not allowed to rent a car here in ontario. especially in areas such as toronto, they are pretty strict on this matter. but nasri was a bit lucky. the guy working at the car rental was a noob. he didn't even check nasri's passport. in the end, farisa and her sister and mother had to take the bus to hamilton and rent one here instead.

cows are abundant along the journey, sunbathing

so it took us about 4-5 hours jugak la to get to tobermory. we stayed in this motel called peacock villa. but i didn't see any peacock there.

the downtown is on the left side of the road

the opposite side of the road, also the tip of the peninsula. go down a bit further and you'll see rocks and lake huron

big rocks soaking in clear water

a different side of the town

after walking around the small town. we grilled some chicken legs and wings that we brought from hamilton. it was kind of late (around 11 pm) and we were pretty noisy. well, there were like eight of us, there must have been something wrong if we were just sitting and eating there quietly. then there was this old lady who got annoyed and she opened her door and told us that we were too noisy. hahah we said sorry and she closed the the door. yikes.

next day, i had to do my quiz which was due at 6pm. so i worked on it the whole morning and we went out in the afternoon that day. we headed to the national park by car and took the horse lake trail, which was recommended by the worker at the ticket sales counter. there are 3 trails that you could take to reach georgian bay. we took the longest one. just for fun. from geogian bay, we walked along bruce trail and headed to the indian head cove. the view there was super awesome. it was so freaking beautiful. the breeze was nice. the air was so clean and refreshing. lake huron is so wide and it has a nice tone of yellow, green and blue, bounded by the horizon. we also went to see the grotto which is a small cave that has a small lake in it. sounds so simple. a cave, with a lake in it. but it's one of the most beautiful place i've ever seen.

the horse lake trail

a short pathway for the moist ground

at the end of the trail, we saw white rocks with trees further up

we then looked to the right and everyone went nuts, look at that ^ picture!

making use of my cheap zoom lens

we walked along the famous rocky bruce trail

at the beginning of the next trail to the indian head cove, we split ways. the guys and i went up the more challenging trail and we climbed up some nasty surfaces

the water taken from a higher viewpoint

the bruce trail viewed from a higher spot

also taken from a higher ground

walked up a bit further, reunited with the girls. georgian bay.

georgian bay, gorgeous view

at indian head cove, there's the grotto. hm can't see the lake inside from here. and i didn't take any pictures of the lake because i didn't bring my bulky camera climbing down the rocks. sayang camera. hahah.

we went back and had a barbeque again, this time, earlier of course. around 6pm. at night, we planned to go star gazing but i was so tired i went to bed early. but nasri said that it was cloudy that night so there weren't so many stars for us to look at, so they didn't go that night.

the next day, it was raining! initial plan was to take the blue heron boat that would take passengers on a tour around the islands of fathom five national marine park. but all the boats did not operate on rainy days. so went to a coffee shop instead. and farisa and her family went back early as well to london.

since there was nothing much to do on a rainy day, we spent much time in the motel room and watched world cup match. but around 5 pm, we decided to go kayaking and canoeing. so off we went to cameron lake. kayaking is so much fun. canoeing as well but i really prefer kayaking then canoeing. it's easier to navigate. we had an enermous pot of japanese noodles for dinner.

the next day, nasri and i drove to owen sound, which is another town which is the farthest town that go bus or coach canada bus could go to. since yasser finished his exam the day before, he went to join us on that day by taking the bus. we then went back and headed to water sports shop to rent snorkeling sets. at first, we thought the water wouldn't be so cold, so all of us decided not to rent the wetsuit. we went snorkeling to see the remaining of shipwrecks near the little tub (the name of the harbour in tobermory downtown). the water was cold like crazy pig. we had to run back to the shop to rent wetsuits. we were lucky that the shop wasn't closed when we got there.

the wetsuit wasn't much of a help. you can still feel the icy coldness with your hands, face, ears and the lower part of your legs (below knees, as the wetsuit covers only till the knees). still, it was awesome. the shipwrecks scared the shit out of us. the water looked like a haunted space at first. and after a while, our curiosity began to overcome the fear and we swam around examining the rest of the ships. there were three ships around that area.

the rental for the wetsuit is valid for one whole day. so we brought our wetsuits back and that night, we did go to the big tub (the lighthouse at the tip of bruce peninsula) area for star gazing. the sky would look prettier if the downtown area was less bright.

the next morning, yasser, nasri and i went to take the blue heron boat for the fathom five islands tour. we got to see another shipwreck near the big tub. this one was the more popular one because most of the ship parts are still intact and you could clearly see the build of the ship, as if it has just sunken into the bottom of the lake.

the little tub harbour viewed from blue heron V boat

one of the houses in big tub area

we also got to see the flowerpot island which is popular for the rocks at the shore of island. it was said that plants do grow on most of the rock, thus the name flowerpot. that's one gorgeous island, i hope i would get the chance to explore the island the next time i go there. we didn't get off the boat and walk around the flowerpot island because it would cost us more. haha. well, need to save up a bit for banff trip.

still intact

the big tub lighthouse

flowerpot island, on of the flowerpots

in the afternoon, we went out snorkeling again, at the area where we did star gazing near the big tub. it was stupidly cold but we forced ourselves to just dive in because we thought we didn't want to waste the rent for the wetsuits that we already paid for. haha stupid reason, actually. gile sejok!

the guys then went to have fish-and-chips all you can eat for dinner. i didn't go with them because i think i wouldn't eat anything that's worth $9.99 so it wouldn't be worth it for me. at night we just stayed in the room and watched a movie on the TV. at around 10.30pm we heard fireworks (chi-cheemaun festival celebration, chi-cheemaun is a ferry that transport passengers and vehicles from tobermory to manitoulin island) from across the street (yeah i forgot to tell you that the downtown is that close to our motel). all of us dashed out of the room, including peti, yasser and kamal who were sleeping soundly before this. hahaha. and we enjoyed the fireworks show for about 20 minutes.

the next day, we went hiking again. we took the burnt point loop and again, more spectacular views greeted us at the lookout point. i'm really amazed that the elements are all pretty much the same, you know, rocks, trees, lake, clouds, sun. but i still found each of them uniquely different, every lookout has it's own uniqueness. hahah.

nasri and kamal left earlier as nasri had to send kamal to the bus station in owen sound because there were six of us, the car could only fit five people. and then we went back and tried to rent a kayak because we wanted to kayak all the way to the big tub from the little tub harbour to see the ship that was still intact in the water. but we found out that all shops were closing early that day, perhaps due to chi-cheemaun festival. finally we decided to go for a swim at singing sands beach. it was fun. i don't have the pictures. yasser has them.

burnt point loop trail, one of the lookouts

in the end, we went back to our room, packed our things up and leave for hamilton that very night. in conclusion, bruce peninsula park is really awesome! anyone thinking of going there, YOU DON'T HAVE TO THINK, JUST BRING YOUR BUTT OVER TO THAT PLACE AS SOON AS YOU CAN! ahahah. semangat gile.

okay i'm really looking forward to this jasper/banff trip. going to sleep in calgary airport's concourse hall now before we start off our journey tomorrow after nasri got the car :)

ASL? 16/F/Montreal

2010-06-24T05:01:00.004-04:00

in conjunction with the 99th post of my blog, i hereby declare that i will try my best to,

MASTER ASL!

I am addicted to ASL.

I've learned a lot of basic sentences and some basic phrases. will keep on learning and practicing.

what's ASL?
it's the acronym for American Sign Language :)
it's so awesome!

you think you're rich?

2010-06-21T18:53:00.005-04:00

haaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiii :D it's been a while~

heee i have an exam on friday. but i haven't studied yet. hopefully i'll start with my revision tonight. i just got back from bruce peninsula national park. let me tell you where it is.

View Larger Map

that's north america

View Larger Map

right there! (B)

it's an awesome place. i love it there. i'll blog more about it later. with pictures of course.

halfi finally got the canadian visa, so he'll be arriving here soon enough. and on sunday, nasri, alias, yasser, halfi and i are off to calgary, alberta! we'll be going to jasper national park, yoho national park and banff national park for a week. i actually think a week is too short for 3 national parks. but, money is flowing like niagara falls, i have to limit my expenditure. haha.

andddd, since so many people were like, toy story 3 is the best. movie. evarrrr. so we're going to watch the movie tomorrow! therefore, i has to studiezzzzzz!

yellow

2010-05-26T18:10:00.005-04:00

it's been a while.

so a quarter of my summer has been filled with quizzes every week and practices for this cultural event in mississauga called carassauga. this thing is pretty huge. there will be more than 40 participating countries that will share their cultures for three days, starting this friday. check this out! so i'll be performing for singapore/malaysia which actually focuses on malay culture. i will show some pictures next week, perhaps. we'll be performing silat, joget pahang and dikir barat. also, there will be a 'pelamin' as well on the stage and since there's one, there must be a couple for it to be occupied. we will have real newlyweds, who are going to tie the life's knot today, as the 'raja sehari' for carassauga. well, in this case, 'raja tiga hari' would make more sense.

what's next. i'm heading to banff at the of june after my final exam for engineering economics. that course is actually a pain in the butt. oh before that, a week before the final exam, i'll be exploring bruce peninsular with farisa, insyaAllah. also, i'm looking forward to go camping at algonquin provincial park.

there are some thoughts on a few topics that i'd like to share but right now i'm just not in the mood to do so. some other time then.

muahaha the power of bubble is mine

cuteeee

the 8th picture

2010-04-24T01:50:00.002-04:00

I was tagged by Suha and I was instructed to do these,

1. Go to your photo files… Select the 8th photo folder.
2. Select the 8th photo in that folder.
3. Post that photo along with the story behind it.

This was during raya 2009, we were waiting for the bus next to Mac's hospital. It was a chilly afternoon, hence the jacket. We were about to go to the girls' house and behind me in the picture, were the cookies that my juniors (patrick, peti and... was it affan?) and I made for the raya celebration the night before.

This is kinda fun but I'm not tagging anyone. Anyone feels like doing this, please do :D

Study lah, bengong!

A bit of Maths and Science

2010-04-21T23:10:00.007-04:00

Leonard Euler

This guy is awesome. He did Master of Philosophy and was studying theology, Greek and Hebrew when he realized that he could actually be a great mathematician. It was Johann Bernoulli who discovered Euler's great talent in mathematics.

One of his findings and contributions is the Euler Formula where you can write

e^(-ix) = cos(x) + i sin(x) and that e^(-i[pi]) + 1 = 0

Richard Feynman said that this identity is "the most remarkable formula in mathematics" and hell yeahhh I think so too.

He also introduced the use of function notation f(x) which denotes a function that contains x as the variable. He was also the first one to use the Greek letter sigma to denote summation and the letter i to denote imaginary unit. And, he introduced the use of Greek letter pi to denote the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter.

He suffered from blindness in his right eye in his early mathematical career. He was known as 'Cyclops' due to his worsened right eye condition. Not long after that he got cataract in his left eye. And all these did not stop him from being productive. In fact, his blindness was compensated by his mental calculation skills and photographic memory. It was reported that he produced on average one mathematical paper every week after he lost his eyesight.

I am starting to like math. I used to like math. Now I've fallen in love with math again. My source is Wikipedia. Yeah stop saying it's not a valid source of reference. Look at your calendar, it's 2010. Wiki being unreliable was an old story.

Biosphere 2

Not Bioshock. (By the way, I love Bioshock soundtracks). I watched this video on living in a human-made biosphere (the natural biosphere is the earth) by Jane Poynter. They built this mini version of earth, where they had a beach, marsh, forest and what not in a sealed building. They put in insects and bacterias to simulate the real world. There was a laboratory attached to one side of the building to allow for medical check-ups. She lived in the biosphere for two years and 20 minutes and in the video, she talked about her experience interacting with the environment to produce her own foods. How they, a group of scientists who got to live in the biosphere 2, grew their own sweet potatoes. I wouldn't mind living in the biosphere too for a few years. Pretty neat.

I'm taking a break from studies for two days. Next exam will be on next Tuesday. Almost done with third year!

boring, just skip this post

2010-04-15T23:08:00.005-04:00

if I did not study enough, I would be able to accept this. but i did. I studied like a baboon, stayed up all night, sacrificing my sleep time, I rarely exercise nowadays, my heart is getting weaker I find myself panting like an old horse after cycling from my house to the traffic light across Cootes drive. I understood all the underlying principles of numerical methods. but what the hell was that? I knew what the questions were asking for, but halfway through answering the question, things looked super ridiculous, and handwriting worse than that of a chicken. epic giler lah.

daddy said yea it's hard, but you just need to accept the fact that failure is a possibility. You are just a weak creation and God knows what's best for you.

On no soul does Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns. (Pray:) “Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error; our Lord! Lay not on us a burden Like that which You did lay on those before us; Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Blot out our sins, and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us. You are our Protector; Help us against those who stand against faith.” (Al-Baqarah, 2:286)

I am trying to swallow this down. I thought I was strong enough, to go through this. I just wanted to tell daddy a happy news about my exam. but there was nothing happy to share with. i know he couldn't sleep last night because he was worried about me having to write two exams today.

Sooooo, to cheer myself up a bit. Just want to share this website; everyone, i mean everyone, no matter how buffed you guys are, if you visit this website everyday, you could find yourself saying "awwww..." with almost teary eyes, unconsciously almost everyday. I saw alias did that today nguahahaha. no need to hate yourself for doing that. cause those animals are cute i bet even babies are jealous at them for being cuter than them.

try me, bebeh!

huaaa I really love my parents. I really hope for a miracle that one day mommy won't have to take insulin anymore. praying for this every single day. please, miracle. i couldn't imagine myself in her shoes. sinking needle into my own flesh every morning and every night. of course, there would be one day when you'd feel like, leaving this world might be a great idea.

No matter how hard life is, it has to go on. If it's not destined for us to leave the world yet, then live it to the fullest. it's not an easy thing to do. some people forgot that they do have people who love them so much, far or near them. but with the suffering that they are experiencing, we don't have the right to say that. my eyes could almost channel the burden on people's shoulders, but the shoulders that are carrying the weight, they feel the real large downward force. so, as the owner of the eyes, i have to help them.

I should send cards to my parents every month. just to remind them that there is somebody who's on the other side of the world, like literally, the time difference is the maximum that you could have here, between these two locations, Hamilton and Malaysia. there's someone who's on the other side of the world who really really loves them. I love them so much and I miss them so much I feel like I'm going to burst into small particles.

I want my parents to be happy all the time. And I wish I could give them great news everyday. whatever news, anything that would make them feel proud and happy, and raising me since I was born was really worth the time and all the inputs, foods, money, patience, attention, love. love. love. the largest contribution for today's output.

ha.... another emotional post. sorry if this sucks. i am aware of that. any comments or critics, be my guest :) i'm just tired and numb. i would enjoy critics more than compliments. cause i'm starting to acknowledge the pleasure with all these fierce... happenings. haha. okay i'm really crabbed.

bricks

2010-03-30T02:55:00.004-04:00

responsibility is an invisible weight that will always be clinging on your back anywhere you go. responsibility to the things that i own. whether permanently or temporarily (in other words, borrowed things). to those whom i love. family and friends, mother nature, and her children. to the university. then why did i skip classes? i have the responsibility to go to all classes. to do the best for my assignments.

but sometimes i forgot about this weight that is dangling on my back. it's like an extra limb. like how a cat would feel like, having a long tail. it's like, it's a part of me. so i realized, i need to able to separate my physical being from my responsibility.

i need to be able to separate my responsibility from my physical being.

anyhow, just remember. responsibility.
ultimately, as a rational creature. fulfill your responsibility. think of how you would feel, if you were somebody else, looking at yourself. would you feel sick seeing you being that way? would you feel angry with yourself for doing such thing? step outside the brick, linda.

saving us or saving the planet?

2010-03-27T10:27:00.003-04:00

i can't believe there are people who thought that earth hour is ridiculous. i thought humans are humans, who have humane qualities and characteristics. and no one would say that cutting down electrical consumption for one hour is ridiculous.

i'm so disappointed.

i know like, one hour a year, like that is going to get you anywhere. but i think once everyone is used to this, perhaps we could do it more frequently in the future, say, every quarterly.

so disappointed. how can we save earth if people keep thinking that 'oh, what's the point, it's not that it would help making anything better.'

:( dear earth, i'm crying for you.

difference in the sample of population

2010-03-23T00:47:00.005-04:00

someone's status on facebook

Cubalah Biasakan diri menyebut "Ya Allah", "Astaghfirullah", "La ilaha illallah", "Masya Allah" instead of kita menyebut "Oh my God".

like, what's the difference? aren't arabic and english just languages. and since when languages started to become a barrier for you to communicate or show appreciation to God?

knowing

2010-03-20T06:31:00.003-04:00

i overheard this one girl talking to her younger brother who's probably 2 or 3 years younger than her, who asked her "what's 'Teriyaki'?" when he saw the word on the signboard of one of the food counters at the student centre: "Oh, it's chinese food." I was laughing silently and picturing myself pointing my finger at her and rolling on the floor, laughing my ass off. i mean, couldn't she tell by the red circle print on white background on the chef's hat and apron?

i accidentally wore a green sweater on st patrick's day. so i was one of about 80% of Mac students who wore green on that day.

a reminder to myself. the end does not really justify the means. in most cases, it doesn't. so modify your intentions, use your head. it's like turning the reactivity of a nuclear reactor to go above the critical condition just for fun because you knew that the safety factor of the reactor is much larger than the minimum value. it's wrong to do so as it would melt the core, but you thought it was safe and you're doing it for fun (like come on, life would be more fun if you're willing to do crazy things occasionally). but what if luck was just not on your side that day? like it or not, probability rules. eventhough einstein said god does not play dice. but god controls the whole universe, including probability. and people would have calculated that the probability of such accident to happen would be almost negligible, but it would never be zero. so even if there was a probability of a very small fraction of infinity, there is still a chance for an event to occur. this just shows that the world, the system that we live in silently agrees that there is something else that is controlling our surrounding. who else if it isn't our creator? god knows everything. the close ones may not know, but god knows. so use your head.

brownfield redevelopment

2010-03-14T20:43:00.007-04:00

an underused parking lot. my assignment asks for a redevelopment proposal for this site. my group member suggested to have a community center but i was thinking of having a mini entertainment center instead initially. but i realized it's kinda ridiculous. so i did some more research and after asking for some of my friends' opinions i think that a research center would be a good one. the site is very near to the university and it's situated exactly next to a housing area with a football field and a huge grocery store on the other side.

the community center, my groupmate argued, would benefit the neighbourhood as it would provide services such as gym, sports courts, party rooms, conference room, kids day care and what not with affordable charges. in terms of the economic contribution, they said that the employment created and the revenue made from the services provided would help increase the GDP, the same goes for government spending which would increase in order to provide funds to the center.

but i, on the other hand, prefer to have a research center instead. a research center would be a valuable asset for the city both in the short and long run. aside from the creation of significant number of tertiary employments, it would also encourage the movement of professionals from big cities like toronto. indirectly, the spending in hamilton would increase as the workers would tend to rent local houses and spend their money in hamilton. in the long run, the researches made at the center would contribute to scientific and social improvements and also the government would probably offer funds in order to conduct the researches.

i also found about science park or technology park which integrates researches and businesses through the collaboration between educational movements and business institutions. science park also provide assistance and supports to businesses to invest in innovation or product enhancement. so i think science park would definitely contribute to the development of economy and the society.

brownfield: parking lot

but those two insist on having the community center. which makes me wonder, how capitalist i am at heart. hahaha. okay maybe i am not doing justice to the term that i used. but something like that. not really leaning towards socialism. like money is considered as one of the priorities. what do you guys think? which one would likely be the best solution?

thanks in advance for your response(s) :D

futuristic box

2010-03-12T05:37:00.004-05:00

I received a newsletter from Best Buy Canada that "informs" the consumers that 3D TV is now available at Best Buy. I was like, 3D? Check out the website, there's even a "stylish" 3D glasses that need to be purchased separately (besides the cable, blu ray player, etc which also need to be purchased separately in order to experience the 3D-ness). Ape da... It's a 3D TV for physic's sake, why wouldn't the glasses be included in the package? It's not that I would want to buy it, those metal, glasses, plastics, and silicone are sold for $2500 (the smallest model) + tax together (as a TV) but I'd just like to point out how smart these huge companies are in maximizing their profits.

I went to bed early today, so I woke up early as well. 330am is early, isn't it? And I had an iced capp after I woke up. And it made me hyper. Avoid iced capp early in the morning people :D

I miss Bruges, Belgium. Summer 2009.

Ray: Bruges is a shithole.
Ken: Bruges *is* not a shithole.
Ray: Bruges *is* a shithole.
Ken: Ray, we only just got off the fucking train! Could we reserve judgement on Bruges until we've seen the fucking place?

"In Bruges", 2008

LOL, Ray hates Bruges. But I love Bruges so much.

the greatest gift

2010-03-09T19:58:00.006-05:00

punishing and giving something because you deserve it are different. punishment would send you straight to the jail, losing all your freedom. now, a slap or a few light punches are actually fair if you've done something that hurts everyone around you. giving something when those people don't deserve it, i think that's just... not right. but well, everyone has his/her own opinion. so this is mine, and hope everyone can respect that. thank you.

------------

I have given everything that I got, I did my best. And if this is what I deserve or a test for me to become stronger, I accept that with a humble heart.

"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they have nourished me when I was young."

I asked my dad to call me today because i was crying so hard that I just wanted to talk to him. he tried to calm me down, telling me to not give up and not to be sad and worry. Once in a while i could hear mom's voice as well. it was around 130 in the morning in Malaysia. I felt relieved and stopped crying after talking to him. and 15 minutes later mom called me, trying to comfort me as well.

"you made dad cry, akak." T_T i didn't mean to, i said it's the only thing i thought of. to talk to both of my parents. and i shot thousands of apologies to mom, but she said, it's okay we are all in this.

and dad just called me and i asked did he sleep well last night. he said he couldn't sleep at all. I feel so bad and i told him i'm so sorry about it. but of course he doesn't mind at all. Dear God, guard my parents as they guarded me since i was born, bless them with happiness, tranquility and great health, and let me not forget to remember them in my prayers each second of the day. Dear God, I really really am thankful for having those two greatest people on earth as my parents. Thank you so much... T_T

sustainability

2010-02-24T19:29:00.007-05:00

I was torn between these two locations in Africa when answering my geography midterm 3 hours ago. It asked to label the location which has the lowest human development index (HDI) and I knew it was Sierra Leone. But I just forgot the exact location, I know it's in Africa and it's a very small place and there were two locations that I wasn't sure of. It turned out that I chose the one up north. And I just checked the textbook just now. Haha well of course I got it wrong. That was Tunisia bongok. Hahaha epic failure at geography. well done Linda :D

I had an interesting lab today. There's a suggestion on having a 100-mile diet where food consumptions are restricted to productions that are 100 miles away from our home. Of course that's like almost impossible. But I was just wondering though, how did the people in the past, when there was no freight ships, planes or whatsoever ie no trades between nations, survive without having the foods that we're able to enjoy today. Like we need the carbs from wheat or rice, which would not be feasible or even possible to grow here in canada. Maybe it would be kinda nice if like a village to have its own farm and so the villagers would only be supported by whatever resources they are planting or herding. Hm. it won't be that simple. That's why we have everything commodified nowadays. but all these, stuffs. i believe somehow that the world has a limited carrying capacity. i do. but we are all so infused with all these, technology, lifestyle, we grow up experiencing the environment that we established the emotional attachment towards these stuffs. No wonder scientists are trying to plan on how to live on mars. check out national geographic last month's edition. hahah.

sustainability. to achieve it is, as hard as pronouncing it. (hahah?) i really want to be part of this. i will help you earth! okeh now MATLAB time. macam taik! hahaha.

I love snow

snow is such a beautiful thing. snowing is such a beautiful ambience. the world, is very beautiful. sigh.... thank you God

2010-02-23T01:46:00.002-05:00

sejok pusak ya

2010-02-22T03:22:00.003-05:00

i am disappointed with so many things lately. and surprisingly, it's not about my academic performance. may Allah open our hearts and let us see the truth.

wrong

2010-02-17T18:37:00.004-05:00

so wrong. i don't care if you watch porn all day long. but a friend is a friend. we should protect each other and look after each other. and yet some humans stab each other from the back. liar, coward. if you really love your friends, please do find a way to leave this place. there's no need for people to tell you to do so, if you are really aware of your mistakes, you should be doing that. humans are unbelievable. you fooled me for 2 years. you're just unbelievable.

never enough

2010-02-12T03:24:00.007-05:00

i think i am a victim, of a monopoly company's anxiety over the decline of its revenue. very unfortunate. and i feel so lazy right now, but my project report is due tomorrow. and there's also an assignment that is due tomorrow.

a test is a test. a test by God is also a test. and holidays are also a test.
what i'd really love to do tomorrow, is, to sit under a tree by the beach and play guitar. it'd be really really nice if that's possible and... doable. only in my dreams.

i really need a cat as a pet, but my landlord won't allow me to do so.
i want to bake some cookies, though i know my cookies are not like the best in the world. but i just want to bake.

i want to go out and walk around and snap lots of pictures.
i want to go to a talk, any topic would do. just for fun.
i want to volunteer, i've been wanting to do this since the first time i got here.
so many things to do but time, is all i'm lacking.

"By the time! —Surely man is in loss, Except those who believe and do good, and exhort one another to Truth, and exhort one another to patience." (Al-Asr, 103:1-3)

see how precious time is and yet you, ungrateful human, has been wasting your time happily and have forgotten the ultimate reason why you are where you're at right now.

Just saying

2010-01-27T19:54:00.002-05:00

I'm not feeling well these few days. Two days ago I had a fever and I requested mom to call me. It turned out that she was doing some window shopping with my aunt when she received my text message. She scolded me for eating red meat everyday but I have no choice, it's hard to get chicken these days.

My project is finally working. I'm a bit worried though cause other groups' projects seem much more complicated than ours :| oh well, I'm still proud of our work.

Just need to prepare on the presentation now. And report of course. And another project, which is supposed to be harder than this one.

There was this incident that occured between a human and I, and this human being. I change my mind. I'm not gonna talk about it. Just want to remind everyone here and also myself: respect people. Watch your words and the way you talk to people. Even when you're doing it electronically and non-verbally, like chatting or emailing. Thanks to this particular human being, I now have a "dean's list". I know this sounds childish but it's just something that I automatically created in my head when somebody messes around with my system. The key word is respect okeh. Tolong la, budak!

And on the other side of the world, the country is dealing with religious (or perhaps not religous at all) attacks throughout the country. While the Johoreans are really pissed off by the act of this guy who insulted the late Sultan of Johore, there is also going to be hunger strike by another group of people who claim the right of having their language to be recognized in the education system. Any decisions that will be made now are going to be very, very unpredictable. What had happened since I left home?

Okeh, that's about it.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

thank you windows 7

2010-01-24T20:43:00.002-05:00

i just installed windows 7 on my laptop. and i take back my words.

i love my laptop :)

it's so much faster, doesn't lag much. it takes like 10 seconds to shut down or start up. the interface is awesome. it's just gaaaaaa i just want to say, windows 7 rocks. if you guys have the same laptop as i do which is the hp tablet tx2000 model, and if you guys are experiencing some f-ed up times with it running on vista. dude, windows 7 is the answer for you. mine is running 32-bit and that already makes me smile all day. a friend said it'd be faster with 64-bit. maybe next time when i feel like reformatting it.

but i got lots of stuffs that need to be installed. unfortunately. but i'm still psyched about it being much faster.

p/s: after almost 2 years having this laptop, this was actually my first time reformatting it. yes people, i think my patience is unbelievable too.

hot prof?

2010-01-18T22:05:00.008-05:00

today was a funny day.

my group mates and i were having this meeting for our 3bb3 project. we have to design the circuit for fridge door alarm. the circuit has to have an output which we had chosen to be a beeping thingy after the fridge door being left open for about 30 seconds. we're having a problem to tie the output to low for that 30 seconds period. the switch, in our case a pressure sensor appears to be triggering high output once it's closed. plus, we need to figure out how to discharge the capacitor when the door is shut after the alarm screams or when pressing the reset button :| we can't even decide on where to place the switch!

anyway, since we have only about 2 weeks left before the presentation and report dateline, one of us, another girl in the group suggested to meet Lapierre, our prof for the course and ask him what we've done wrong in the simulation. I thought there was no need to meet him (I just don't like meeting profs) and I also remember Jim, the lab coordinator told us that the TAs or prof won't be lending us their hands on this project unless we got really stuck. but she was so... maybe she just misses Lapierre so I was like, hm okay you talk to him. I'll wait outside. So off we went. and when we got to his office, I ended up to be the person who had to do the talking because it was my laptop that has our project simulation!

Lucu sungguh, I didn't bring my laptop battery so I told him, i would need to plug this in. and he was like, oh then we're in trouble and smiled at me. I was trying really hard to not crack a huge laugh, thankfully i managed to. he then unplugged his, i don't know, fax or printer and plugged my laptop in. and there was this awkward silence as we waited for my laptop to start up. dude, i hate my laptop! it takes forever to start up, every time! hahaha. so then we showed him the simulation and he was like explaining to us lalala and pointing and pressing the screen with his finger. my laptop which is a tablet started to show some right-click commands and he became kinda anxious about it. then he was like, oh is it a touchscreen? and poking my laptop screen a few times :| again, i tried hard to not laugh like a crazy witch and i managed.

there was also this point where he was like trying to navigate my laptop but he seemed to be confused at the touch pad (my laptop's touch pad looks exactly the same as the body, but with dimples). I almost rolled on the floor when I saw him trying out the left part of the laptop's body. hahaha.

he said he couldn't really be much of a help cause he doesn't have the solution to every single project. different batch of students will have different solutions to the projects. we nodded in agreement and before we left, i asked him regarding the description of the project. he then asked us the name of the project and started to look for the project title in the, i don't know, 60 pages maybe, of course manual, page by page. i started to feel itchy to tell him to use the 'find' feature in microsoft word. but i'm just really shy. seriously. after about a minute scrolling down the page, i finally voiced out, hm you could use the search... ( i was looking for the word button or tab in my head) and he went oh yea! that's a great idea. and it took him less than 5 seconds to find the project description. my group mates then looked at me with wide smiles, all of them trying hard not to laugh out loud. and this time, i couldn't help it, and a giggle escaped from my throat, just a short one, and he turned to me and said, what? with a shy smile. i covered my mouth and said sorry and he turned back to his laptop. okay i swear i wasn't laughing at him. i was laughing at my group mates who looked very entertained by my act.

so i went on to turn off my laptop and he saw my cat picture on the desktop and he asked. oh is that your cat? i said yes and smiled. he said, i have 3 cats. oh really? niceee. well i have more than 10. he was like, more than 10? i thought 3 is a lot! hahaha. and as we waited for my laptop to shut down, he made a remark, "holy cow it takes so long to shut down", with round eyes. hahah the other guy in the group who has the same laptop (but different model though) said yea i have the same thing, it's just really slow. hahaha and finally it shut down.

on our way back home, the other girl in my group told me, linda you made his face turned red just now! and we laughed out loud as we went out of JHE and headed back to hamilton hall. hahaha, there goes lapierre, fana's and sabrina's favorite :P

lazy

2010-01-14T22:58:00.005-05:00

I just came back form a 3-hour math class. Cauchy integral formula, Green's theorem, and from Cauchy integral, Taylor series suddenly popped out. I'm not much of a fan of Cauchy :|
Dude, my head was almost dead by the last one hour period. I pity the prof, who is old enough to be pitied for having to stand up most of the time within 3 hours of lecturing and writing on the board. There was a point when he was actually asking us how to end the sentence that he was about to end and we all laughed.

Life has been, better I guess, this term. But I'm predicting that it will get messier next few weeks. I got from my geography class, "the future is unpredictable." Sounds very common and you know, like, hm d-uh. But it just got me thinking for a while how the future holds a lot of surprises. Sent a tickling sensation to my guts. excited but not so comfortable.

I haven't said anything about my winter trip yet. hmm, actually too lazy to choose pictures and all. I'll have to postpone it. All I can say is, I love travelling. Deep sea snorkeling was the best experience during the one week duration of getaway.

To end this tonight, I hope that the victims and their relatives, of the earthquake in Haiti are given strength and patience to go through the hardships. Sometimes we are too focused on our own lives, and we keep on going and going, perhaps we need to 'bremsstrahlung' ourselves for a while, without stopping of course, and just try to look around and lend some attentions and ears. And just think about other people who are in need of help.

So our god has a special name, and you can't use it

2010-01-08T19:58:00.007-05:00

It just blows my mind that there seems to be an ever-stretching gap between different believers in my own country. The cow head issue had already made me feel so humiliated for being categorized as a Malay. Thank God I am half Iban, so i feel about 50% of the shame only. Hehe. And now, with the church burning issue. What the hell is wrong with Malaysians la... Well actually, Malays, some of them. maybe most of them. I don't know. And I, being the kind of person who doesn't actually read news everyday, became very curious and started to look for answers. It appears that it was all because of this.

"... the verdict of the Kuala Lumpur High Court which granted the use of the term “Allah” in the publication of “Herald-The Catholic Weekly”." - Utusan Online

-_- I don't think there's anything wrong with the usage of that term by other human beings. I remember when I was like 15, I tried to read a Bible in the library because I was curious of how similar Bible and Al-Quran are. But at that age, I found that I couldn't really understand the old English language so I never really managed to answer my curiosity. Instead, it faded away just like that. But one thing I remember was that I think I saw the term "Allah" in it and since then, I just thought that so there is another religion that uses the term to refer to God. And I never felt angry or whatsoever about it. (Okay maybe I was wrong, my memory has become so distorted, I've lost a very huge part of my childhood memories, thanks to SPM, IB and now university). But I am very sure that I knew that some other believers do call their god Allah long before this thing got into court and media. Hm so for some people I am one sinful kid. I really can't find any logic why other human beings, who are also Allah's creations, to have their rights denied to call their god "Allah". By the way, if you want to protest, there is really no need to burn other people's sacred place. God, that group of people really annoys me.

A woman named Dharmiza

2009-12-19T00:31:00.008-05:00

Happy birthday to one of my bestest buddies, Dayang Nur Salmi Dharmiza.

We've known each other since we were like 12, but started to be besties when we were 14. We sat next to each other when we were in form 2 and 3. Right in the first row. Hahah, I remember we always did our own thing during classes. Laughing like crazy people. Writing letters to our crushes. Hahaha that was so stupid. remember the bad boys? syawal and shane? Calling radio 4. OMGGGGGG. Invented our own hi-five which always got people amazed everytime we did it in front of them.

I miss you so badly. I think it's almost 5 years now. It's so hard to get to you eh? I mean, I got to see wawa, muni and other people. But you, are like, are you running away from me? hahah.

I have a dream. One day, you, wawa, muni and I. We go on a vacation together. Please make my dream come true. What do you guys say? :)

Anyway, again happy birthday to you darling. Your card in own its way. I hope it gets to you. Have a great birthday honey. LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUU
:D

hugssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

failure, maybe

2009-12-10T20:07:00.003-05:00

disappointment brings you nowhere... sigh... i have no choice, but to keep on moving. I have an assignment due on Saturday, and I have math on monday, and energy on wednesday. And, I haven't started anything on math or energy yet.

plus, a problem which is very personal.

i haven't written anything happy or interesting for since like, 3 months. So, I'll try and pretend to talk about some happy stuffs now. zelda: the spirit tracks is out, i got the game plus the collectors' edition guide, hardcover and full coloured-pages. Buddy, you're the best. Thanks Nasri :D

there, happy for like 45 seconds. i'm back to misery mode.

The reasons

2009-12-03T03:01:00.004-05:00

to be gila are as follows,

1 - two fkcing long assignments due on monday. so, my weekend was not really a weekend. before that in the previous week, i had an assignment due on thursday which was quite a tough one and a lab report due on friday. and it was on friday when i found out that i have another two assignments due next week, which were math and physics. so i had, two long assignments due on monday, the JFET and MOSFET shit due on tuesday, presentation on wednesday, math assignment on wave equation and laplace on the same day (which of course i wasn't able to finish all of them) and finally i have a project report due on friday. and next week i'll have my first exam on the 10th. which is not that bad. but i just found out about that today after paid the student account office a visit.

2- this is another story. i couldn't view my exam schedule because of outstanding balance from summer. So i thought my sponsor did not pay the full amount and so i emailed them, and since i was too worried about my exams schedule, and i had been waiting for like one week so i emailed them again, with like a firmer tone. not rude. well i just said, can i have some updates on this matter asap please? just like that. and so officer called me and said they had already paid the fees in May. and suddenly i remember adding another course but dropped it during the first week of the academic session. it turned out that i'd be charged around 40% for dropping the course during that week. somehow i wasn't aware of this, i just thought that there would be no penalty for dropping the course early. so that is where my outstanding account came from. and i was like being scolded by the head officer, well it wasn't really a fierce scolding but i just felt bad, cause oh well, i have my story which i think is inappropriate for me to share with everyone. but the thing is, this case really made me feel so upset and now i'm worried, cause my sponsor requested for my transcript and if they found out that i dropped the other course as well, i really can't imagine what would happen. might just mean that i might not be able to go back home next year :( i just hope that everything is going to be fine. so adik2 mara, if you want to add any courses during summer, just make sure that you make up your mind earlier and if you want to drop anything, make sure that the thing that happened to me would not happen to you. cause trust me, there is really no fun in dealing with this matter. plus the hectic week that i'm having right now. it's funny cause my intention to better my grades turned out to be, self-destructive.

3-i'm scared. my courses are really tough this term. i'm not lying.

4-i'm double-scared. next term smells like a hell year, might be worse than this term.

so i do have the right to be gila, don't I?

quantized being

2009-11-25T17:27:00.003-05:00

i really need to boost up my spirit. life has been so stressful and full of disappointment. I can't even pretend to be happy anymore. what to dooooooooo? :(

sorry to mimie, wawa, paris and anas who had been worried about me last week. thank you so much for caring. i know it's kinda gedik of me to do that. tension2 nak deactivate fb la, nak privatize blog la. but i guess i arrived to this point in my life where i felt like being disconnected from the world could bring me more peace and self-control.

i feel so weak these few days. and final exams are approaching.
from the universe point of view, i am only at a nano-scale. or perhaps pico or much less than that. i should be able to tunnel through any barriers. i don't know what went wrong, maybe the voltage applied to the barrier is too large. so i need to reconfigure my surroundings. but i don't know how and where to start.

maybe that's why we still can't find the one equation that could describe both the microscopic and macroscopic worlds. cause our wavelengths just do not coincide with the other spectral regions. talk about quantum tunneling.

i want to break free.

how come

2009-11-15T22:52:00.003-05:00

i never realized that happiness is actually something that you can't share with someone else?
adeh... it's really demotivating when i have set my mind today that i am going to be good to everyone, that i'll try my best to be a better servant but at the end of the day i didn't get the response that i was hoping for. i really don't mind anymore.

*lets out a long sigh*

maybe this was the wrong path after all :(
and now i'm stuck. i can't say to my parents "mommy daddy i want to go home and be a kindergarten teacher."

i am just so disappointed with my life right now. i really really wish that I can turn back time. i know it's impossible. just saying. not sure if saying this would make me feel any better. but. *sighsssssssssssssss* for now, just stay away from my life. this hatred is just eating me up. right now.

:(

almost there

2009-11-10T02:06:00.002-05:00

i have to do a presentation for my microsystems course next month. i don't like talking and standing in front of the audience :( things have been better for me. worried about my termal-fluid course. i think i screwed up my midterm. other stuff, as usual lab reports, assignments. never ending.

will be off to florida in winter. if everything goes as planned, will be seeing my beloved cousin who's in penn state right now. i miss her so much. i'd be so happy if she would really join me in this trip. and then seeing two of my MCB classmates as well. really looking forward to this.

operational amplifiers, heat transfer, quantum efficiency, born-Oppenheimer approximation, frobenius method, chi-square distribution. OMG i'm a physicist?

A FREAKING PHYSICIST who can do ENGINEERING, I AM? unbelievable. this really never crossed my mind.

hilarious.

the physics of aging

2009-11-03T13:16:00.003-05:00

O Allah, I seek forgiveness for every sin, I committed, about which, of course, You know inside and out, from the beginning to the end of my life, whether committed deliberately or intentionally, few or many, abstruse or manifest, old or new, secretly carried out or openly done; and for whatever wrong I have done I turn repentant unto You and beseech You to bless Muhammad and the children of Muhammad and forgive all my unjust acts I did to wrong the people (because they have rights which I have to recognize and fulfill) but You have full authority to forgive those wrongdoings whenever and howsoever You wish, O the most merciful.

Dear God, thank you for everything.
Can't believe I'm already 22 hahaha.

Sigh

2009-11-01T16:39:00.001-05:00

He's killing me.

mungkinkah

2009-10-02T04:25:00.000-04:00

takkan aku nak hidup macam ni sepanjang 4 bulan? gile ape...

halfway through

2009-09-18T20:42:00.009-04:00

third year. been through the first half of my 4-year studies. things are getting tougher i'm already worried about my final year.

i have no idea what's wrong with me. i received my raya biscuits package today. the postage is more expensive then the biscuits themselves haha. And i was so happy, getting something that's from home. something that has been touched by my parents who wrapped the containers and brought them to the post office. And I saw my dad's awful handwriting. Suddenly it seems like the most beautiful handwriting in the world. i cut off the address part along with the RM78-stamps and threw away the rest of the package. and i wish to keep the address part, which contains my dad's serenely beautiful handwriting...

my excitement was erased completely when i found that one of the containers was broken, the biscuits inside there were crushed so bad, i could hardly tell which kind of biscuit they were. later i realized the huge pieces of almond nuts that are not already in their respective paper cups. i guess it must be "almond london" la kan. i picked up every pieces and placed them back evenly into the empty cups that i could find. at the end of the transferring into another decent container, i found that my heart was already crushed, just like those crushed biscuits. i know, right? no big deal. it's common for this to happen. unless if the biscuits are hard like rocks, then this wouldn't happen at all. but it just saddens me that, the things that i got from home are crushed like that. though these are, not permanent stuff (it's not like i'm going to put them all on my shelf for display), it still makes me upset.

mom bought the wireless internet though we already have streamyx at home. but she said she's worried about not being able to chat with me online cause my parents were going back to Malacca a few days ago. The fact that she made that effort just to make sure that we would not lose contact for about a month, makes me think a lot whether I am capable of talking to them on the phone on raya's eve. i called them every year. but i never felt this hard before T_T

and this morning my junior posted this video

that managed to make my eyes sore till the end of the day. i was wondering if i am ever going to be like those children, or if i've already been one. "Mak tau korang semua busy." that's what my mom told me too. and right now i feel angry about my courses which are already giving me a lot of hard times, i can't chat with her as frequent as i used to. i hope i would not turn into that kind of child if i were to be destined to become successful one day...

seriously i feel like going through puberty for the first time all over again. i just can't get it, where did all these feelings come from? i'm kinda afraid of these changes. but the feeling is just aching down there. i miss my family super badly T_T

not so happy one

2009-09-13T18:50:00.004-04:00

i've been bothered lately by school. and housemates. i really really hope my housemates this time are very nice and clean people. and school. i have 7 courses this term. and there are no final exams for two of them, my thermofluid course and my elective, microsystem technology. the microsystem course requires individual presentation as well as written report based on a project which can be chosen from a list of 60 topics. and the list is like some kind of alien language to me. i'm so worried. i think i'm panicking.

huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

yes, indeed. i am. panicking.

i hate presentations. and there's already an assignment due this friday, though classes just started a few days ago. i don't know why but i'm really scared. of school. but i have this, mountain of hope on my shoulder.

raya is coming soon. i miss my family. when i was home, i always felt upset when my mom delivered some "lectures" to me. yes. i still annoy my mom sometimes. hahaha. dad also knows how to lecture his children now. how my old peeps have changed. i remember when i was a kid, my parents were so strict. actually, strict is not the word. i don't know how to say 'garang' in english. but oh well, how i miss both of them right now...

i really want to go back home next year, and catch raya, i don't care if i had to skip a few classes next fall. i want to have a proper raya with my family, at my grandparents house. i just love the ambience.

chasing 'ayam kampung', nenek would be so happy to cook sambal ayam kampung for me. she knows it's my favourite. making 'kuih koci'. i used to help grandma baking pineapple tarts, sampret, maruku, gunting, bahulu, and so much more when raya was around the corner. this is my third, meaningless raya. i know i'm supposed to look at it in a more religious perspective. but i don't know, family is also a blessing from God, and I just can't take it off the equation.

perhaps, the first tears after two years of cold-blooded Eid.

did i mention that i love cats?
i love cats so much. i went to the International Cat Show at Copps Coliseum this morning and i found myself resisting very hard to explode like a stuffed blowfish. because cats are just the most elegant, cutest, most adorable, beautiful four-legged harmless creature on earth T_T

falling into niagara

2009-09-08T20:47:00.004-04:00

went to niagara falls two days ago. i seriously am disappointed with my L. I need to upgrade my L!!!!!! T_T but i still love niagara falls. i made a promise, that one day, i am going to bring mommy daddy and amey here. and i'm gonna ride on the maid without a poncho. and walk behind the falls without a poncho. this is, my dream. yay.

Niagara ftw!

2009-09-05T02:46:00.003-04:00

why can't i just forget everything that would make other people feel miserable every time i think of it? i hate myself.

commodified world

2009-08-30T06:24:00.005-04:00

how such a pure thing could go through commodification. knowledge is being labeled with price tags. what a shame. i have 6 required textbooks this term. and they all cost me around CAD660. which if tax was included, in Ontario it's 13%, comes down to roughly CAD750.

Couldn't the world be crueler than that?

And my tuition fees per year are about CAD20 000 plus. Though I don't pay my tuition fees, dudeeee that's like a lot of money. I'm not the only international student at Mac.

Anyways, i'm like so in love with long exposures, at night especially.

And i like these boots, helppppppp

just wondering

2009-08-29T04:49:00.003-04:00

why? can't ppl. just live happily and get along with each other? regardless of our believes, our colours, our languages. why do some people have to call names and become so selfish, very intolerant. we are all human. we bleed the same red, we walk on two feet, we talk, we think, what makes one of us so much special than the others? and deserves more than the others do? whaaaaaat?

seriously i could cry thinking about this. sometimes i feel ashamed of being in the human category. and the internet is so full of these humans who love to shoot words that could hurt other people's feelings. there was not even one time that i didn't feel angry when i read the articles and debates posted online. most of them are just wrapped in hatred. which then triggers the hatred in me. but i don't want to be filled with hatred. cause it is really not the greatest feeling in the world. god, help us.

love everyone, please?

my kids going to sleep (in my new comforter set from levi strauss :D)

etre ou ne pas etre

2009-08-22T18:31:00.004-04:00

i have an ambition. a dream. of becoming somebody who could contribute to a better world in the future. but...

some of the things i've done

2009-08-12T02:13:00.013-04:00

i've never pictured myself engaging and involving in any serious kitchen's businesses. but last weekend was a turning point in my life. okay i did some cooking lately since i have the time (all these whiles i could hardly cook my own breakfast, lunch and dinner because of my crazy university life, ended up eating junkies most of the time) and because i want to save up. nasi goreng, cheese omelette, sayo2 goreng, you know simple stuffs, i managed to savour the deliciousness yet really not fancy at all lauk pauk. but the baking industry. to me is like doing advanced quantum mechanics when i was in kindergarten.

but i had no idea what has gotten to me, one day i just rode on my bike and cycled all the way to fortinos and bought the ingredients that i needed to bake some cookies. and i did it.

i'm so happy with the end product i can cry now.

hahahah nah, that's too much. have a look at my production :D

my cookie dough

my very disciplined cookies

first attempt: i didn't know that the dough would become chubbier, these ones are a bit chewy and thick

Better looking, I had them flatten and in lines with very small portions

I think the taste was not bad, and my friends seem to like them :D i'm so happy

then i had arep over the weekend, crazing over cycling he finally got the hidayah to come down here and hearing from him this statement "cantek gak hamilton ni", i feel proud. i don't know why.

we went hiking to see some of the waterfalls (out of 100+ waterfalls) in hamilton; webster's falls and tew's falls. i really love that place. i have to go there again in fall and winter. have to!

with alyssa

nice bridge

a small river that leads to the waterfall

modernized; preservation

webster's falls

tew's falls

the bottom of tew's falls

wild apples on the ground, i tried one but i got a very sour one

dundas peak where we could see the whole hamilton

Taking a break

the sky turned dark as we made our way back to the bus stop. and right after we got into a bus, it rained very heavily. i reached home half wet.

on the next weekend, i went to ISNA convention which was a two-day program of islamic lectures marathon, starting at 10am till 10pm. that was the first of such event that i've ever attended to and i think it was not bad at all. i think it was a bit hasty though cause sitting for like 3 hours and trying to concentrate really drained the energy in me. and one thing i learned from this convention about myself; i cannot engage in a lecture, expecially a long one in the afternoon, especially after i had my lunch as this will lead to zero attention towards the topics being discussed about, in other words, i'd fall to sleep regardless how great the speaker is.

speakers like Dr Munir El-Kassem and Shaykh Muhammad Al Ninowy are my favourites, though i did fall asleep during one of their sessions heheh. what? the place is air-conditioned, the seat is quite comfortable, and it was during the afternoon, with my stomache just been filled with yummy things, how could i not fall asleep?

also got a new friend. he's so sexy rawwwrrrr. he cost me a fraction of a fortune. oh yeah, we also had a malaysian picnic last week, we had rendang ayam (which turned out to be less authentic - as put by one of the websites as we didn't have kerisik - and too yellowish cause we put in too many tumeric - that was an accident), nasi lemak, chai choy (chinese style mixed vege dish), hamilton yellow plums and pumpkin cakes courtesy of alyssa for our desserts :D

killing the shallots, gingers, tumeric, galangal and all

alyssa being patient kaw2 handling my lousy blender (which is actually for making smoothies but that's okay, the reason i bought it in the first place was to blend dried chillies but i had been making mango smoothies with it, so smoothing service will no longer be available after this)

Chef Nasri happily showed off his skills

There it is, the rendang ayam

and nasi lemak, with the coconut milk's precipitation on the pandan's leaves

And I do not have the chai choy's picture in Bulu. Sorryyyyy! Hahaha.

so what else have i been doing? playing with sackboy...

sackboy's cuteeeeeee

and so, yeah, that's it. for now. selamat berpuasa to everyone :D

a boring soul

2009-08-02T02:14:00.007-04:00

what do you get when you add a kid you can't write good essays and summer holidays? the answer is paper folding :|

blossoming flower, this one was quite challenging. as you can see the centre is torn, i should have used a bigger square.

a messed up seahorse

a four-leaf clover, also not neat

the back of the clover

A more challenging project for me is the football. I started out yesterday and I just finished assembling it just now.

a hexagon in the process

done

the cost of this project; super messy desk

the football halfway

and the final product

Have a look at the video. and yeah i used unused papers. and i know the hexagons don't fit tightly and neatly, i was doing this cincai2. will do a better version next time. still, i'm very satisfied with it. cause the assembly was really a pain in the ass.

what's next?

Thiput Bhabhi

2009-07-31T07:24:00.001-04:00

finished liao yaaaay

2009-07-28T03:35:00.006-04:00

i started doing this when i was like a week liao in kuching. Have a look at the progress;

Okay the head, I can see the beak as well

Next I placed a... some sort of a hula hawaii flowery ribbony necklace on its long neck

yea yea i know i noticed that too, i should have used 3 or 4 strands instead of two. i know silly me :D

Haaaa now can see the butt liao, bontotnya yang tercadok

Lining that looks messy up close

Almost done

i think my work is very... photogenic, it doesn't look this nice in personal seriously hahaha but can you see something ugly here?

This! 3 and 3 halves of stitches, terlebih liao...

Well that's not cacat enough, check out this disaster down here;

unfinished buttttttt, benang habesssss tak cukoppppppp babeng tol

I might go benang hunting this weekend.

so there you go, a yat pet si of mine. my very first product. happy :D <3

Marah liao!

2009-07-27T21:33:00.002-04:00

Accidentally rewound my new roll of film. aaarrggghhhh!
Geram aaaaaaaaa.
Amek ko, cheap camera. yat pet si aaaa.

(marah and experimenting with vocabs)
lmao alyssa :D

broke, just broke

2009-07-17T12:26:00.002-04:00

i got my essay back and the grade is an ultimate ugliness. and i messed up on my presentation because i wasn't here during the first tutorial. and i got another essay to write but i'm so demotivated to work on it.

mom got into hospital again. and the doctor said it's sinus infection.

so you know what young, "cool" kids say, that's so fucked up yaw.

haha. haha. haha.

take me there and shoot me

was this how my summer in canada began

2009-06-30T14:18:00.006-04:00

i can't go to sleep yet. and it passed midnight already. yesterday was crazy. yesterday i was supposed to go straight away to my anthropology class but i was so tired i had to skip it. i was planning to take only one course because i only need to take one since the technical elective is not offered in summer. but i realized that i was going to miss two classes which are worth two weeks of classes according to the standard fall/winter term. so nasri registered for me anthrop when i was in malacca since i didn't have internet access back there. now i am torn between cultural studies and critical theories (csct) and anthropology. i'm not really interested in anthrop but apparently anthrop has a lot of advantages, such as no assignments or quizzes, just midterms and final. on the other hand, i need to attend tutorials for csct which requires me to be an active audience by engaging in the discussions, which is so not me and there are essays that i have to write, which i suck at big time. but i think the course is very interesting, so i insist on going to the tutorial and lecture today, to see how it would be like.

it sucked. there were two students who i thought were the TAs giving a presentation on... ipods? okay i know that they showed some ads on ipod and they talked about ipod but i could not really get what their points were. One thing for sure i know that 98% of those people in the class hate apple and its products.

they talked about the advertisements having hidden messages targetted to all of us, making us want to buy their products and how that creates a consumer culture that i thought was being treated negatively by most of them. well i'm not saying that i'm on apple's side or anything, it's just that the reaction that they created or perhaps would like me to create in regard of this issue is just so sharp. it's weird that you talk about public manipulation but at the same time you are actually manipulated by these huge corporates as well.

if the product succeeds today well i guess it's because they implemented strong marketing and that people just love the design or features of the products. i think almost everyone realizes that apple imposes lock-in effect on its consumers. it's not really that convenient to use as well. you can't drag and drop. you have to use itunes. you lose your old playlist when you sync your ipod if you don't have the songs in your laptop anymore. though there are some softwares that you could download to prevent this, but isn't that just tedious.

but people still buy them. so it's the choice of the consumers themselves. so why? hahah. wow...

and they also seem to hate mcdonald's. don't bring your kids there then. educate them, that it's not really healthy. we the consumers are actually the driving force for the success of these businesses.

though i found that i am not on the same page as most of the people in the class, i found it interesting to observe my classmates' reactions on these provoctive issues. i might drop anthrop. but i might drop csct as well. cause i can't speak my mind out. everytime i tried to do so, my stomach rumbled like i was having diarrhea and would probably shit in my pants in just any seconds. help?

so yea i skipped my anthrop class that night, i went straight away to bed. i did buzz my mom on ym before i threw myself on the mattress but she didn't answer. so i left a message for her saying that i was so tired that i needed to sleep. i woke up that night at around 1.30am, that was when i read the blood-rushing news from my mom's message on ym. she said she was admitted into an emergency ward where she had a laser surgery for her bleeding nose. i cried the instant i finished the whole sentences, written in three lines.

i immediately buzz her and found that she was online. and she told me everything. she said she was on her way back home after buying cats food, and she noticed that her nose was bleeding. again. her nose bled like 2 or 3 days ago but it was only for a few minutes and then it stopped. but this time it didn't stop. she was using a small towel to to wipe the blood but not long after that, the towel got soaked with blood. she had to pull over and she said people were just driving pass her, not offering any help. wow malaysians. congrats. luckily after a while there was this young guy driving a van stopped by and helped my mom.

he had two bottles of plain water and poured it onto my mom's head. you know how people say if you're having nose bleed, you should put a cold towel on your forehead to stop the bleeding. that was what the guy was trying to do i guess. and it didn't work. so he called my dad using my mom's phone number. and the guy waited for my dad with my mom.

she said that time, there was already a lot, like seriously a lot of blood flowing out of her nose. she said she thought was going to...ehem. it was painful and she couldn't really breath through her nose cause it's like a bloody waterfall and a lot of the times she couldn't help herself from swallowing the blood. it was terrible she said. i couldn't imagine how it would feel like either T_T

then my dad arrived and took her to normah hospital with his car. she was rushed into an emergency ward and that was around 5pm msia time. and that was the time when i was using the internet coin machine in gatwick, it was 1 pound/2 euros for every freakin 10 minutes, since i really wanted to talk to mom before i board on the plane, i inserted some leftover euro coins that i had after my european trip last time, and it surprised me that 20 euro cents topped up my time credit an extra 10 minutes. my luck i guess. so i had another 20 minutes extra i guess for less than 1 pound or 2 euro. but mom didn't answer me. little that i knew that my mom was actually at the hospital that time. i thought she went for her aerobic session already.

at around 7.30pm in kuching, she woke up and she saw the doctor. she was told that everything's settled. she then istighfar a lot and thanked God that she was still there. and she said suddenly she cried. the nurse asked her why did she cry and she said, she's worried about her daughter who was on her way to canada, and she didn't know if she's there yet... T_T

my brother stayed with her that night because she was only allowed to go back home on the next day. well actually my brother and his friend called harris. they brought their laptops and played games while keeping mom accompanied. harris' family was also being so nice. they paid mom a visit at the hospital right after they heard the news. straight from workplace, and still could meet my mom with smiles on their faces eventhough their stomaches are all empty waiting for dinner. My gratitude to harris and his family.

the cause of this, my parents thought it was because of this health product that they were taking, called alpha lipid. this product contains colostrum which is the pre-natal milk produced by mammals which helps build immune system for babies. somehow, studies have shown that colostrum is also beneficial for adults that it could fix adults internal systems such that the possibility of getting rid of most common diseases is almost unity. i did read on the internet about the side effects, most them are minor like flu, headache or the worst would be diarrhea. but nothing about heavy nose bleed.

it was recommended by my aunt who's having resdung for all of her life, and since she used the product, her nose and eyes were not itchy anymore, she sneezes much lesser than she used to. and she said she had a friend who was diabetic and was taking insulin who got cured by this product. yes cured as in no more diabetis. she has become a normal person.

hearing that. from my own aunt. who had no previous bad history with us. mom and dad were conviced to take the product and give it a shot. who knows, mom won't have to push needle into her flesh every night anymore after taking that thing. i'd be so happy for her if that's the case. however, a hope remains a hope for me. and for my parents as well i guess.

the colostrum might have increased mom's metabollic rate that her body got so hot that the blood vessel in her face got too dried and then leaked. if it was a regular nose bleed, the blood vessel that was cut would have been small, so the bleeding would stop in a very short period of time. but the blood vessel that was cut that day was a huge one. that explains the profuse bleeding.

my mom didn't want to take product anymore. it's not only expensive, a small can, maybe around half a liter can, costs almost RM200, it also costs my dad RM3,300 for the surgery.

alpha lipid people. i emailed a few of the sabah sarawak representatives. no replies. haha.

toot toot tooooooot.

i'm just grateful that she's okay now. she said she's feeling weak these few days. well she lost a lot of blood. i interrogated my brother on ym on this. he said it was pretty bad. and she feels pain everytime she swallows. doctor said it was because of the tube that they had to put in through her throat, it might have caused minor cuts in there.

i felt like a part of me died that night. i couldn't think. i couldn't focus. and i found out that i had an essay due in two days. and i haven't bought the textbook and read the assigned readings and stuff. it was mind-torturing.

and i was relieved when we were told today in class that the deadline is extended till next tuesday.

thank God. my mom is safe.

Time

2009-06-25T01:28:00.002-04:00

moves so fast i hardly recognize myself anymore. out of shape. far beyond my reach. too long kills me, too short makes it even harder.

i love this place. i don't want to leave. my granparents are so cool. watching atok spitting fierce words to his goat really made my day. listening to nenek's rant on this and that.

"lahabau punye kambeng, aku kate jalan pegi la jalan!"
"mane ayam hawau ni, cukup lahanat! aku sesah kang, potong terus sumbat lam peti sejok."

"nenek cekop ayam tu masa dia tengah makan."
"kiraikan le sotong tu punye gule kalau tanak gule."
"nenek ghabe je la ghambutan atas pokok, ape nak pakai galah."

ha... i am going to miss them. i'm so happy that i make them proud.

"dak alin belajau kat kanada. amek enjenering."

and last night,

"daddy bukak kan ghambutan ni, kuku akak pendek sakit nak kopek."
"boleh..." he put down his cigarette, kopek rambutan banyak2 for me.

:( i'm feeling sad...

Gading Gading

2009-06-15T04:40:00.025-04:00

Aku sudah pun menjejakkan kaki ke menara gading.
Tetapi kali ini, aku menjejakkan kaki ke Gunung Gading.

Huahuahua.

Gunung Gading National Park. Another national park besides the other famous one, Bako National Park. My main objectives were to conquer the summit as well as to spot a Rafflesia, the largest flower in the world.

Both objectives failed to be achieved.

There were eight of us that day; 5 guys, 3 girls, 2 cars and a haunted forest. Hahaha, I said haunted because... I'll tell you the story later.

Upon arrival, we paid the entrance fee which was RM5 per person (student rate). It's RM20 for a group of 5 students. Then, we went to another building for registration I think, and we were given a photostatted map on an A4 paper.

We found a Rafflesia even before we started our journey through the trail! But made of stone though. Hahaha. Yeah, just replica.

And a tragedy struck my girl friend. Half of her left shoe outsole came off. I saw one of the guys chewing gum so I asked him to put it onto the sole to put the shoe back together. Hahaha. We then headed to the entrance of the trail.

At the entrance, we had a dua recitation before stepping into the jungle. And we went on until we found out that the trail was now diverging into two. And before that, Muni, the one with the outsole coming off just now, her right shoe outsole came off completely. One of the guys who is also sort of my cousin let her use his slippers. We then carried on with the walking.

Muni's shoe hahah

I told them that the right one would bring us to the gading summit, and the left one would bring us to another summits cause that was what I saw on the map board at the registration office.

They believed me. So we took the right one, and I suddenly felt that that was the wrong way. My friend quickly made a smart move. By calling the office, and my feeling was right, we should have taken the left one. Luckily we had not climbed the extremely ascending stony trail too far yet.

We kept on going and after a while, we had to stop because Muni was already so tired that she needed to sit down for a while. We stopped a lot because the trail was very steep and it was quite challenging as well. There were greenish rocks which I didn't dare to step on cause I was afraid that it'd be too slippery. I didn't want to get injured. There were tree roots which could cause trekkers to trip.

After walking for almost half km (maybe), we found a huge rock sitting on top of a few other rocks, and we could hear a stream of water underneath the huge rocks. The place is called Batu Apek or The Old Man Rock, I forgot to read the legend on the signage. Haha.

Batu Apek

I love the tree behind me, so gagah

After walking for around 1 km, we arrived at waterfall no.7, and we decided to stop by for a while to perform Dzuhur prayer. After that, the guys decided to keep on going to reach the summit, but we stayed there because Muni was already too tired to continue and I just didn't have the excitement to continue anymore, no idea why.

Waterfall no. 7

The higher one

The lower one

Guys praying

Girls praying

Sorry bout the guy interframing

Awesomeness

So off they went, and we girls went down with the foods and sat on a huge rock. We had our pre-lunch (cause it was not noon yet) on the rock and then enjoyed the cold water. The water was so cold I had to get into it slowly and I was already shivering when half of my body was in the water.

Gathering my energy to fight the coldness

Staring at the beauty of God's creation

We swam, we tried to go to one of the small waterfalls but we decided not to cause Mirah, Muni's sister saw a small green snake at the rock. Haha, when we tried to have a look at it one more time, it had already went in through the cracks in the rock.

We then climbed up the rocks to get to the larger waterfall which was higher than our starting point. And not long before we went to the large one, the sky started to grumble and we looked up the black sky, and light rain started to pour down on us. We quickly got back down and pack our foods and got back on the gazebo.

The larger one

Showing some moves

A few minutes after that, the light rain turned cats and dogs. We played in the rain, and had our lunch while waiting for the guys to come back. We were a bit worried about the guys cause the trail would have been slippery because of the rain now. We just waited there, sitting closed to each other as we found that all of us were shivering.

Raining

Playing in the rain

Hahah I love raaaaaiinnn

They even told me that my lips were turning blue because of the coldness of the atmosphere. Once in a while I heard voices of men talking happily, thinking that the guys were going to be there in seconds. But even after half an hour, they were still not there.

I found that weird but I didn't feel frightened or anything. After about 2 and a half hour they left, they finally made it back. We asked them how was the summit and they said they didn't even get there because the thunder was worrying them. I was like, oh? Lucky I didn't join you guys :D

By that time, the rain had stopped so they went off to the large waterfall. Mirah wanted to go there too but I was hesitant. Cause I was shivering like crazy. It was damn cold. Hahah.

But I finally decided to go back there. And I definitely didn't regret my decision. It was fantastic. I don't know how to describe it, there was just this feeling of excitement and happiness when I got myself under the waterfall. I couldn't stay there for long though, cause the pressure exerted by the falling water was very strong i felt like being beaten and slapped by water.

We finally got to the large one

It was fuuuuunnnnn

Ouch hahah

We then performed Asar prayer and then packed up our stuff to get ready and head back. I am very thankful to have friends like them. The fact that they care so much about prayers instead of just ignoring the responsibility, hoping to qada' the prayers once we got home just made me feel so thankful to have them as friends. Thank you God for blessing me with my friends!

The sight of them praying was just so... subhanallah wallahuakbar

The walking on our way back was much less tiring and lengthy. One of the guys had a leech on his stomach. I began to worry a lot cause I hate leechessssssssssss T_T

My cousin tried to comfort me by telling me not to worry and all. Hahaha, oh God...

We passed the Rafflesia trail and didn't take it because it was already late and we had to go back home before the sun came down. So there you go, two of my main objectives. Both unfullfilled. Hahaha.

Well thankfully I didn't have one on me when we arrived at the entrance. We then sat on the road cause one of the guys said he had some stories to tell. He then said, there was a reason why they didn't get to the summit. Cuan, one of the guys told us that he actually thought that they had walked enough to get to the summit, according to the map as he was the map holder.

There were like a few times that they felt like they had seen the summit by noticing a bright area up ahead, but everytime they were about to reach the bright area, they found out that there were more trees, as if they were walking endlessly, where according to the map they had actually walked long enough.

Cuan started to feel uneasy about it, as if something was playing around or something like that, he did ask the other guys to go back to the waterfall where we were waiting for them a few times. After quite a while, the thunder forced them to return.

On the way back to the waterfall, my cousin saw women with brown clothing and long hair in the river not far down. So he yelled to the others, "come on guys we're almost there, there are people bathing in the river down there."

After they reached there, Razi, one of the guys asked Safwan my cousin, "I thought you said there were..."

"It's okay, don't...", he cut off immediately. Razi understood right away and kept silent.

I read on the signage about the legend of the waterfall; it is a place where 3 princesses used to take bath. So I told them, maybe those were the princesses! Mirah then told them, the guys should have brought at least a girl with them in order to avoid being disturbed. She asked them was there at any girl during their trip to Gunung Santubong (which I missed cause I couldn't wake up early heheh), they said yeah there was a girl with them during that trip. "That's why you guys were not disturbed".

She also told us that before we get into any waters, river, lake or whatever we should check first if we could go in there or not. How to check. Check your reflection, she said. If you couldn't see your own reflection on the water, don't jump in.

Hahaha I said, oh really? I never did that. Didn't even check just now. Muni agreed. Mirah said she had checked for us. Sounds creepy to me. Mirah also told us that she heard the voices of men, just like the ones I heard. She also thought that the guys were about to arrive in a few seconds but they didn't. I felt relieved a bit, at least I was not the only one who heard those voices.

And you know what, just now when I was writing on the princesses part, my laptop suddenly got stuck and restarted on its own. Now how creepy is thaaaaaaat. Hahaha. Man...

We even got lost during our way back. My parents were already calling a few times cause I was supposed to go home before Maghrib as we were going to have a Father's Day dinner at Buntal. (seafood, yummy). It was weird because we thought we took the right turn and all but it appeared that we took the wrong road, which was a much longer way back home.

Out of a sudden I sound superstitious now eh?

Creepy.

I had fun, despite the creepy stuffs :)

Netherlands to Southern Spain

2009-05-21T05:06:00.007-04:00

*Okay I've added the pictures, I apologize for the super delay, I was spending my time with my family in the first few week as if I'd never see them again, hahah and then the router smoked crack, and then friends started to ask to go for outings and so on. So, yeah, enjoy the pictures :D

Okay so where were we? Oh Antwerp to Brussels. I was so tired the night i promised to post more updates, the lobby was so noisy with kids (there were like 4 buses of kids who arrived on the same day as us, I think they were having some sort of a summer camp or something) and so I had no choice but to put up my white flag to my sleepiness.

Another white village, this one is a bit huge

Oh wait, I think this is Arcos

This is Seville

From inside the car, at a roundabout

Yesterday was amazing. After a hot tour in Seville or Sevilla in Spanish, (and I was wearing 2 pieces of shirts. Stupido.) I had one of the best evenings ever in my whole life. But Sevilla tour first, we went to some of the main attractions. Firstly, we went to a huge old church which was once a mosque, but after the Christians conquered Sevilla, the mosque was turned into a church. Some of the Islamic attributes and characteristics could still be seen on the structure, except that it has human structures and crosses on top of the dome and towers.

La Giralda Minaret, it's one of the UNESCO World Heritage Sites, a place for the bilal to call for prayers.

The other side of it

That thing is beautiful

The dome

My jaw dropped when i first saw it

There were also horse carts like in Bruges, but the horses didn’t have like a plastic that’s like attached to the cart and the horse’s ass which would contain their shit whenever they would shit. Thus, Sevilla lost another mark because of that (previously lost mark was because of the weather) cause the absence of the ‘portable toilet bowl’ has caused the whole city to smell like shit (most of the time) cause the carts are all over the place. *sigh*

There was also an old castle, okay to be honest, I think this trip is pretty lengthy I’ve mixed up the names of the places and landmarks. I think the castle that I mentioned just now was called Alcazar, but if I’m not mistaken, alcazar means castle, so any castle would be called alcazar, and there are a lot of castles in Spain! Gosh. People said there’s a garden inside, but the admission fee’s quite expensive and the garden would be quite similar to the one at Granada which we would also visit next. So I decided not to go in there.

It was so hot that day we had to give up early, most shops were also closing down cause it was pass their siesta time, which is the napping time for Spanish people. It’s like a culture there, shops are closed down at around 2pm-6pm for them to take a nap, cause it’s so hot? Sounds like heaven! I miss long sleeps. I’ve had sleeps that were unsatisfactorily long ever since the final exams. And travelling is freaking tiring, I have to admit. Money flows like a river. Oh well…

Okay then I went to the, what’s it called eh? Plaza de España. Yeah hey hey hey. This place is cool. My head suddenly gets stupid, I’ve run out of idea how to describe it, I’ll just show you some pictures. Down here.

The entrance of Alcazar

Like I said, I can't afford to remember all of the names

I think it was like a hotel or something, or maybe just another castle

But I do know this one, this is the Plaza de Espana. This place actually when is looked from the top, forms a half circle but it's so huge it's hard to put the whole thing in whole picture. Itwouldn't show the curve anyways.

And then we headed back to the car and drove to our hotel for the night, and in the evening, aunty asked me if I would like to come with them to find some sunflowers, I was like, naaaak. So we took the car and headed towards a yellow field that we spotted from far away. We then reached this place where nobody would have thought of going to cause the road to that place was kind of hidden.

And it felt like I was in a dream. A huge hilly land of blooming sunflowers. The flowers were all facing the same direction, which was coincidently towards where we came from, so all I saw was sunflowers, thousands of them I bet all smiling at me. Aunty said the flowers are all facing sunrise and yea I think that could be true cause it was almost sunset that time so the sun was right behind those flowers, slowly getting swallowed by the horizon.

Isn't that just breathtaking?

There were so many of them

It's kind of dark because it was sunset

Wish I could jump and land on them, but then I'd probably be chased away...by dogs, if i were lucky enough

*sighs...*

One of the best things that has ever occurred in my life *inhales with a smile*
On the next day, we went to Merida, which houses the oldest Roman city in Spain. There were a lot of roman ruins in the middle of the city. We were like walking around the city and would then unexpectedly found some ruins. And they were like scattered around the city. There was also a roman bridge which has a garden under it. It’s really nice, I like it there. But I don’t really like the hot weather. Hahaha.

I like it

The Roman bridge

Look at this beast, so cool

This is at the square

A bird with its nest spotted on top

One of the ruins in the midst of the town

Still standing

Not far from the ruins

This was taken behind the fence, need to pay to get inside actually

Another view

We then headed to Cordoba and checked in to this camping site called Camping Carlos III. We rented a bungalow for four people, it was really nice. There was a kitchen, 2 bedrooms, a common room and a bathroom. We stayed there for two nights and we would go to this small town to buy foods and groceries. I saw graffiti on a wall in that town and I found it very interesting and very nice to look at.

Cool eh?

And so we went to Cordoba next day. It was uh… let’s just say that I had a bad start of my day, so half of the day was spent with a gloomy aura. I lost my appetite to see new things, and the mezquita failed to attract my attention that day. So, I don’t know, it is undeniably a great architecture that combines Islamic and Christian features. But there were just some facts or words that were used to describe stuff, oh well I was having a bad day already that day, I don’t know it just turned out to be not as great as I thought it’d be like. Just have a look at the pictures la, adeh…

I saw this one shop, it has this carving on it

I love all the details

mezquita cathedral, i guess that's another minaret

The view is really nice but it was so hot

That's how the interior looks like, the red and white stripes

The mihrab, which faces southward which I think is not right

Different influence in the mosque-cathedral (reminds me of physics, wave-particle duality, mosque-cathedral duality, hahaha)

That is just so beautiful I tell you

More stripes

Even ceilings, seriously my neck was about to snap backwards cause I couldn't help myself from looking up there all the time

Another ceiling design, it's so spectacular i feel like want to be an architect

The integration of different elements

It would be an honor to bring this wall home hahaha

And today, phew, this is tiring. I want to sleep! Today, we went out early. Like I mean it, really early. Hahah at around 5.30am cause we didn’t book our ticket for La Alhambra. And when uncle called the people at Alhambra, the earliest booking available is only on Sunday’s afternoon onwards, which is like the day after tomorrow. And we have to catch our flight to Stansted so we can’t go on Sunday! And so we were told to just come by tomorrow and walk-in purchase the tickets. So that explains the early start of our day today.

L a Alhambra, or Alhamra’ if it’s written in Arabic (I have no idea where the ‘b’ comes from, I guess it’s a Spanish thing), is situated on top of Sabika Hill. There are oh well, the typical thing, gardens, gardens gardens and nice beautiful views. Aaaa I need to pack up, and then go to sleep, might not be able to upload lots of pictures tonight. But please check out this entry again later on, will update it again. And I owe you guys the journey from Brussels to Arcos (which is before Seville).

Stay tuned.

(Though I think nobody really reads my blog. Mbahaha. It’s okay, I just love talking to myself)

Adios amigos, Buenas noches.

From Toronto to Amsterdam

2009-05-19T13:46:00.020-04:00

*Edited, posted some more pics here

And so I thought my flight was on Monday, but I just found out on Saturday that my flight was actually on Tuesday. So my plan to go to Royal Botanical Garden with Alyssa and Nasri had to be cancelled, cause I need to pack up and all (I’m packing for home too).

Initially I wanted to bring home all my baju kurung cause I want to bring a new one this time. It seemed that I couldn’t fit in clothes that I would need for travelling. So I had to repack and bla bla bla, why am I talking about packing stuff? So lame. It’s just that I have to keep my check-in luggage to be under 15kg *sigh*

Okay so the trip to the first destination, Gatwick airport was quite long. I kept on falling asleep and once the foods reached me, I automatically woke up hehe. I felt, cam best, heheh cause we were served first since we requested for muslim foods. So ape lagi melantak la kan.

Then, when we reached Gatwick, we had to go to the other terminal by bus since the train was not in service. We then took EasyJet flight to Schipol Airport, Holland. There, we waited for a couple of hours for the arrival of Nasri’s parents.

We then took a cab to our hotel in Lisse, The Golden Tulip Hotel. One room for the women and one for the guys. The only expensive hotel of this trip I guess. I think uncle chose this one cause it’s very near to Keukenhof.

By the way, Keukenhof is a dutch word ( I think, I’m pretty sure it is) which means Kitchen’s Garden. I was told by aunty that Keuken means kitchen and hof means place or something like that. It’s called so because the place was initially just a garden where herbs and a few plants were planted and the owner would go to the garden to pick these stuffs for use in the kitchen, thus the name Keukenhof.

Haaa.... so many pictures. For more pictures, check out my facebook or if you're not a friend of mine, then you can't see them, sorry :P

It then expanded and today, there are a lot of sections where each has different exhibitions by different companies. I think there were at least 90 plus exhibitions (sorry if I’m wrong, my memory just sucks) and what’s interesting about this place is that it is only open for 6 weeks, the period which those flowers are in bloom. Main attraction was tulips of course.

If I came down there like, right away after I had my exam, I might get the chance to catch the whole field full of blossoming tulips, each row with different colours T_T, unfortunately I didn’t. Rugiiiiiiiiii waaaaaaa. Maybe I have to come again next time then.

There was like a huge land area right opposite the hotel I was staying at which had the remaining of tulips. The only things missing were the tops. The beautiful flowers. I was lucky that there were still some tulips that were not chopped off yet, if not it would really be a waste to come all the way from Canada. And did I mention the steep admission fee that they were charging us? EU13.50 bhai. Would be happier if I could see all of them.

I read on the internet that they chopped off the tops on purpose to strengthen the bulbs so that next year those flowers would still be healthy and would still bloom, I guess. Correct me if I’m wrong.

Okay I’m writing this while I’m in this hostel in Ronda, Southern Spain. I’m just not sleepy yet, and before I forget everything, I might as well write something on the beginning of my trip. This is one cool hostel, it’s located in a small village (one of the white villages, called Cartajima *pronounced kartahima*) right in the middle of some hilly terrains, amidst trees and huge rocks. The view from here is just spectacular. I’ve never thought I’d step my feet on such a place like this. On my way here, the view was amazing. We took the way which passed the national park which looks something like the scene in Lord of the Rings.

Cartajima's church

Cartajima's restaurant and bar down there

Church's balcony

One of the stairs in Cartajima

Another white village that can be seen from the rooftop of the hostel

Lemons are common

Aunty even said that this place looks similar to New Zealand. Since I’ve never been there yet, I was so stunned with the beautiful view, really, this is like my dream okeyh! I was like thanking God every second in the car (we rented a car by the way) for giving me the chance to see this side of the world.

I saw like a signboard that has a symbol that looked like a cow/ goat and I was like, mane lembunye, I don’t see any. And right after I said that I saw one on a huge rock, looking at the sky. And I spotted another one sitting on the grass, and then another one. And not long after that, there was a herd of them crossing the road!

Rockish

Mbekkk

Jalan raya yang agak menakutkan

Sharp turn

Okay, I’m skipping the days after at Lisse!

Back to day two, we went to Amsterdam on the next day (after Keukenhof) (sorry for the distorting the chronological orders). And so, the place that was popular of two things; legal weed smoking and sale, as well as the red light district.

One of the canals

At the square

Bicycles

Red light district, behind that row of bulding

Bikes bikes bikes

I love the buildings

The night before we had a dinner with uncle’s friend who is a local, and he gave aunty the direction to the Chinatown cause she was eager to go there. And he was like, just walk straight from the central lalalala then you’ll reach the Chinatown. Just keep on walking but don’t walk too further cause you’ll get to the red light district.

Aunty was like, I don’t have a problem with that. And he replied, you don’t but I’m not sure about these kids (pointing at both Nasri and I). We just laughed and grinned. So, the plan was not to get to the red light district. But then, we had a slight change in our plan and we decided to take another path to get back to the hotel.

Aunty was trying to get us out of Chinatown through a shortcut, but we accidentally reached this place where there were girls being displayed through the glass in shop houses, also spotted a signboard that said “sexshop”. So yeah, we accidentally entered the red light district area :D we were like, oopssss :D

It was kind of disappointing. The girls are not that cute or beautiful. Gemok je. Siap ade yang tua da berkedut weh! I was like euw? I read on one of the brochures that taking pictures are not allowed or you’d get into trouble. But with those girls? I wouldn’t even bother to take their pictures la. I don’t know if they keep the hot ones for night time display haha.

Well if you didn’t or couldn’t find the red light district, the whole town itself is already polluted, I personally think. Yea so they don’t really have cars. They have a lot, I mean it, a lot! Of bicycles, it’s their main transportation I guess. The roads are all so narrow, I understand why they wouldn’t even give a damn about owning a car.

Less air pollution you say? Heh. Not really. It’s even worse, weed smoke is like everywhere. I hate it. Smells like, I don’t know, some people describe it like skunk pee. Whatever it is, I just hate the smell. Nice view, nice buildings, lots of canals, though the roads are pretty narrow, but bad air ambience.

Weeeeeed

And the souvenir shops, I don’t know why are they so proud of their red light district. There were like mugs with penis as the handle, keychains that replicate penises, penises are just everywhere. As souvenirs? It’s just so wrong! Hahah.

There was this souvenir shop that sells cannabis lollipops. I wanted to try one so I asked him, how does these taste like? He was like, well, like weed. Duhhhhh? So I asked again, would you get high if you eat it? He said, depends. Some people take two or three of these and then *gestured with his hand*, just fall asleep. So I decided, hmmmmmm no thanks then. I love me. It would be great if they could make them out of some artificial flavour that mimics the taste of cannabis. But come on Linda, that's Amsterdam. Tak main la artificial okeyh.

So then we went back to the hotel, took our bags, and hopped on the bus and train to Antwerp, Belgium. We were greeted by the beautiful central station, and the hostel that we were staying at was just like 5 minute walk from the station. And there was this Indonesian restaurant called Waroeng Ayam Goreng! Quite expensive, for a set of fried halal chicken and white rice cost EU8.50. But there were like 6 pieces of chicken so, yea it was not bad. The best thing that I liked about the restaurant was the sambal. It was phenomenal. Well for sambal lover like me who hasn’t had sambal for quite some time. This one is a killer!

The next day, went around Antwerp or in Dutch, Antwerpen which means something like hands being chopped off? Hahah, I’m not too sure about the history cause I heard the owner of the Indonesian restaurant telling the history of the name of the city, but since I can’t really understand Indonesian when it’s spoken fast, so all I caught was the word Tuhan marah maka dipotongnya tangan, lalalala. Gitu la :D

Antwerp

Uncle was like repeating ten times, this is the first european castle!

Felt like I was lost in the medieval time

The shopping strip, I had to talk myself out of shopping T_T mahal weh

Kudaku lari

A very old church

Adeh... cantek la

the buildings, i just like them all

I guess the hand that was chopped off by god?

Okeh this is funny. There was a group of students who came to us and asked us to write Belgium is a world country in Malay language. And they were like, can we take picture please *excited faces* I felt like a celebrity for 5 minutes :D

I liiiikkkkeeee

Brabo fountain

Cobble stones, old churches, cathedrals with remarkable carvings are typical here. Okeh, ngantok, will continue later!

11:53pm local time Southern Spain GMT+1

*Posted from El Faisan Hotel, Arcos, Southern Spain 10.53pm local time

oh amsterdam

2009-05-13T11:54:00.002-04:00

Duit saidina haha

Special tu boarding pass aku
YYZ - LGW

Gaya macam Airasia, LGW - AMS

Starbucks mahal! xpe sedap

roti cheese, sedap gile babi okeyh

just came back from keukenhof. will post another entry later!

Some New Stuff

2009-05-01T16:34:00.006-04:00

So. Holidays are here. I have no idea what to do while waiting for my flight on May 12. I've just moved in to a new room, which is right next to my old room, and i tell you, this is waaaaay bigger than my old room. It's unbelievable how I could actually survive in that little cage. Spending $20 extra per month is worth it. Money flows like a river this month. Since I've moved in to a larger room, I've decided to get myself a desk, and I got a corner desk which cost me $45, includes the delivery charge. That guy was so nice. Still looking for a chair, hoping to find an office chair.

The transferring process

The bed was all set, thanks to the guys

Since there was sort of an empty room at one corner of my room, and since I already own a wii console, I finally decided to buy one. Though used one, but the owner said it works great, so I don't mind. It's an HDTV and I got it for like $50. It's not here yet though, expecting it to be delivered today. I just want to see my handsome Link, please, not another stupid seller this time. I'm on holidays!

View from the door

Turn right a bit

There's the bed, and behind the curtain is the closet, and the tv is going to be on that table at the lower right corner of the picture

And another not so new stuff, a bag that looks like a giant shoe. Ebay has victimized me. Pourquoi? Pourquoi ebay! I just love the bag, it's cute. Most people seem to agree with me as well.

My huge shoe

It's made of leather-like material

I actually changed the lace, that's a real shoelace. Have an extra pair.

It's function, f(x) = ln (zy cos x)

And another one, my Ipod Touch. Well I had one before but I've upgraded to a 2nd generation one. But I'll be dedicating one special entry just for a review of it. Maybe later.

Just discovered how to actually make full use of this thing, besides being just a mere music player

And in less than 2 weeks, I'll be leaving Canada. For a while. Talking about Canada, my grades come into my mind. Thankfully, I didn't fail my math. Instead, got a lucky C+. I think that's hilarious! That's like, almost B-. Hahaha and I thought I'd have a flunk this time. Thank you God.

And I'm just so proud of my French. I should live in Paris. Or Quebec. Mbahahaha.

And thank you God.

Okay I'm so hungry, but I'm so lazy to make pancakes.

Non-Symmetrical Wavefunctions

2009-04-24T04:34:00.007-04:00

I just had the craziest week of my entire life. Hahah hyperbole.
I had 4 exams in four days. One on Monday, two on Wednesdays and the last one on Thursday.

The best part was that, for quantum exam I woke up at 10am :D I thought they wouldn't let me write the exam, I was like more than an hour late. They called Engineering faculty to ask permission to let me sit the exam. I was lucky cause nobody left the exam hall yet, cause if there was one I'd be dead. I was surprised that they actually accepted "accidentally fell asleep while studying" as a reason for being late. They even gave me 3 hours, which is the actual time length of the exam, to write it. Nice eh?

Seriously, my brain had actually stopped working after Math. Cause I feel like I did it really badly and that I have to be prepared to accept the fact that I might fail this course. And after French, I was between the state of giving up and struggling to motivate myself who was more like scanning through 200+ pages rather than digesting those paragraphs and formulas.

And for that, the time got me. Hit me in my face. That I passed out like a dead elephant not hearing all three alarms that I've set prior to collapsing.

But it's over. I've never felt so relieved before. My shoulder felt so light when I was on my way back home. And to my bed I surrendered.

To any physicists or mathematicians who read this post. I didn't mean to equate those great mathematicians or physicists who discovered all those useful equations and such with euwy things. That was me being in an unstable state (my relaxation time is quite long indeed), trying get back to the ground state, from the zombie state. I really look up to these great people, and to tell you the truth, I love physics and math with all my heart. I guess it's just normal for us to start hating something when we find ourselves to be wrestling in the struggling. But I have to confess, it was merely a love hate kinda thing. Indeed.

I'm gonna be a musician for awhile.

beauty

2009-04-12T16:27:00.003-04:00

where beauty comes, where beauty lies. what it means actually means nothing. everybody is a good liar when admitting that it doesn't matter. you might say you don't really care about it. so then throw away all your mirrors. and don't ever look into one. because it doesn't matter.

the end of heartache...not!

2009-04-08T13:06:00.001-04:00

after this sickening to the ass lab report write up, and not forgetting the 20 pages of research for the final project...
we thought it was the end of sufferings
but, these were all just the beginning

Love <3

2009-04-05T19:24:00.001-04:00

I just love my ipod :D now i can fb on it, read latest news on it, even post a blog entry from it. Will do a review of it once i'm free.

Finals in two weeks. Wish me luck people :D

Reflection

2009-04-02T22:27:00.010-04:00

ouch. ouch. ouch.
i've been hearing myself muttering this word every 15 seconds. well... i got beaten up again. this time, he was like kicking without mercy at all. i almost cried, and i'm not ashamed of admitting that. hahah. cause it's true. he was like

"are you mad now?"
"does that hurt?"
"it feels great, eh? to be kicked 3 three times in a row."
"are you gonna cry now?"

i said no!

"tell me when you are about to cry, then we'll stop"

he is so mean. but really, i actually appreciate what he did to me. i know he was trying to make me push my limits. but how did it affect me? zero. i don't know why i didn't kick him back so hard. just throw lots and lots of kicks. at the back of my head, i had " i got an assignment due tomorrow, i don't want to end up sleeping after i have my shower later tonight." My body kept telling me, "please i can't stand this anymore. i'm so tired, i'm running out of energy. i can't even breathe properly."

and while we were doing stretching after that, while we were forced to do the split,

"yes, it hurts. if you don't like doing this, then don't bother to come."

and he went on and on saying things like,

"i don't understand why don't you people put in your 100% in doing something. like me, i work, i go to school too like you guys do, i'm doing a two-year program in only one year, and i still practice taekwondo every week. You guys might think that I'm an alien, but to me if i don't want to give my 100% in doing something, I wouldn't even bother to do it"

I was like, God what kind of man is this guy. He's talking like he's the most perfect human being in the whole world. We argued with him, but somehow we realized that we couldn't really come up with better arguments against him. I told him "I don't have enough passion like you to do all these extreme stretchings and kickings, (i'm here to keep myself fit and in shape)"

"see, that's already a sign of a loser"
"doesn't mean that if i don't put in my 100% in something, i'm a loser. everyone is better at something than anyone else."
"how do you know that you are not better than other people?"
"(well, i know cause i know myself)"

yeah so he kept on babbling. i didn't really spill out everything that i had in mind,cause i just wanted to respect him, as a student.

"you have a weird principal"

hahah, the rest laughed and he was like "i know you guys must think i'm an alien."

he also told us,

"I used to feel like want to beat up all my friends in school."

my friend said, "why don't you just go for olympics"

"i went for world championship."

i asked, "did you win?"

"i got silver. and it sucked. that's why i don't want to do competitions anymore."

and he was like, "the guy who got gold, he won by one point. that's why for some people, competitions mean something to them. and for some people, they don't really mean anything. to me, that was something for me in my life. even though i didn't win gold, but at least i knew i've tried my very best."

and he commented on last week's belt testing. he was like, your patterns were good, even though i didn't teach you the last one. you did very good at those. your kicks were good too, and your sparring, you've improved a lot. One thing you need to improve is that, your kickings have no power. so i'm gonna give you blue, but after this summer, if i'm still here i wanna see you improve. i want to see your kicking to have more power.

i'd want to blame my body. for being too small. thus less power could be delivered. but as he said to me, that would just mean that what a loser i am. for thinking like that. how i wish... i have the same courage and passion. but unfortunately, i don't.

later that night when i was on my way home. with these aching on my body. i think i got kicked a lot on my arms and hips. my legs hurt everytime i walk, or sit down. when i took a shower just now, even the tiny forces applied by the droplets from the shower were enough to make me bite my lip, trying to bear with the pain. this might sound like an exaggeration, but i'm not lying.

and it got me to think. maybe he was right. maybe that is what i've been missing all this while. the willing to give in my 100% in everything that I do. Maybe that kind of explains my marks right now. i'm not like getting super bad marks, but i'm just not satisfied with all my midterm marks so far. but i can't complain. it was all my fault.

and with all the pain i have right now. it feels different. like some sort of a punishment. an immediate punishment for me, an ungrateful servant who seems to have been lost in this world. and being a human i think it's a nature (or perhaps it's a nature of this type of human being called linda) to try to blame anything that surrounds us at that moment. like school, exams, assignments, projects, friends. but right after i pointed my finger at them, i realized that, there were another three fingers from the very same hand that i used to point to other things that were pointing at me, telling myself that I was the one who should be blamed for all these. shit.

my point is, mr coach, i do think that you're a weird guy. selfish and arrogant at times, judging from the way you state your personal opinions and all. but somehow i think, your crappy opinions are able to trigger people's minds. well at least my mind.

and a silent prayer. forgive me. and help me through the fires. everything that i do, is for You.

carbon diet

2009-03-25T23:50:00.002-04:00

Shame on you, Linda. I should carbon diet from now on.

Saket Hati

2009-03-23T23:18:00.002-04:00

boleh tak? makanan ku dalam freezer. hilang. begitu sahaja. without any traces. sape la mangkuk hayun betol yang maen ambek je makanan aku, kalau ye pun nak, mintak la izin ke. aku kasi. ni tak, tak pasal2 aku carik2 bologna aku. eh, hilang? semua lak tu. x tinggal sikit pun untuk aku? macam sial la diorang ni. ni bkn kali pertama, dulu burger aku x pasal2 tinggal 2,3 keping je. macam babi la. tak tahan aku. apsal aku ni nasib malang sangat kalau bab2 kongsi rumah ni ek? dengan keadaan common room dan dapor yang kotor, diorang ni x reti ke nak bersihkan dapor lepas guna? pastu lepas makan ape salahnya basuh terus? ni tak, lepas makan simpan dalam sinki tu, nak buat ape? buat jeruk? sial la. peti sejok tayah ckp. mana mknn yg da mereput mcm bangkai bukannye reti nak buang. aku nak upah orang bantai diorang ni boleh tak?

macam babi!

Fire Up, Buddy

2009-03-19T20:52:00.003-04:00

when all of your efforts seem worthless
stop staring blankly into nothing
when your knees don't feel like they could support you anymore
find a hand to help to you to keep on walking
when you fall down with each step that you take
ignore the pain and get back on your feet
when you feel like this is too heavy to carry
it's just you so don't let go yet

hey we're together in this
don't stop and keep on walking

Sighing Is Not Good

2009-03-16T20:11:00.002-04:00

Really? Then that will come down to... T_T

*Sighs* I can't help it. So what? Just kill me. I'd be glad. Sometimes people will just begin to appreciate something when it's gone.

My soul's structure is collapsing. God please help me. Humans are cruel.

Flexible Display

2009-03-14T04:51:00.002-04:00

Paperless future? Aaa... Heaven. No more chopping down trees.
And the best part is, no more paper cuts.

A Confession

2009-03-11T17:55:00.003-04:00

I loath my writing skill. No more long entries. Perhaps?

Oh Alejandro, you're melting me down with your voice. And your musical talent. Primarily your voice. *cair cair cair cair...*

Sally Has Alzheimer

2009-03-06T10:42:00.004-05:00

One of my future projects in Malaysia this summer: constructing my cats family tree

summer fever

2009-03-02T02:44:00.002-05:00

so brapa ikok pusak kamek di umah nun? sapa leh jawab tok nang terer.

"so how many cats do i have now at home? whoever knows the answer ; winnage."

Press ctrl + A, Right Now

2009-02-26T03:02:00.008-05:00

Suha tagged me.

Complete these sentences :
after that u have to tag 5 persons to complete this survey:

~~My ex-boyfriend... did not deserve the cruelty that I imposed on him years ago, but I'm happy to know that he's having a happy life right now.

~~I am listening to.... "Je Saigne Encore" by this french rock band that I just discovered, Kyo. I love that language so much :D And Kyo rocks. J'aime.

~~Maybe I should... stop buying nutella cause I have the tendency to eat it just on its own without breads or waffles or whatever.

~~I like learning... quantum mechanics and how to be a greener consumer.

~~My best friend(s)... are like my own family and I hope that they will be there during my funeral and I would appreciate it if they read out my epitaph, taking turns, line by line. I have no idea why I'm saying this. haha, sorry if I scared the shit out of you.

~~I don't understand... love and politics.

~~I lost... my childhood memory constantly as I cram in more stuff into my brain. Each time after I had a huge exam like SPM and IB, or even final exams at uni, I would forget lots of my childhood memories which is such an enermous lost to me cause most of them are happy moments and precious times that I wished I could burn on a DVD but I can't.

~~Many people said... that I am clever, but call me an ungrateful human, go ahead but I do think that I am not... that clever. I'm normal. I struggle like everyone else does.

~~The meaning of my name... is beautiful in Spanish language but it doesn't reflect my looks at all, what more to say about my personality. hahaha.

~~Love is... like politicians manifesto, they announce it, they probably mean it but they don't usually turn it into reality.

~~I am living in a place called... Hamilton, Ontario, Canada which is famous by having quite a large number of waterfalls, which somehow I think contradicts the nick name that people gave it, the steel city.

~~I will try... to cut down my calorie intake to half from now on. and also to avoid doing last minute work, although I've been meaning to do this since I was born but failed all the time.

~~The meaning of "forever"... is the time needed to get to another 'membrane', as described by the M theory or in an ordinary human english language, universe.

~~My handphone... wakes me up every day with 5 different metal songs but I still wake up late and miss my classes. I'm pretty sure it wakes up my housemate as well.

~~I am very annoyed... with cigarettes and people who do not know how to respect other people by trying to make an effort to keep their distance away so that people like me won't experience temporary disturbance in respiratory system, as well as people who can't seem to realize that I don't need them to teach me some physics cause I don't take up your course so lower down you voice a bit cause you're teaching all the people in the whole library!

~~Whenever I wake up from sleep... I snooze my handphone. Or if had enough sleep already, I'd search for my mouse right away and check my hotmail bôite de réception.

~~Party is... fun when you have an acoustic guitar as well as a complete set of guitar hero that are ready to be rocked.

~~The cutest animal(s)... are cats, baby polar bears, foxes, chicks as in baby chicken not girls, baby squirrels.

~~The best age... would probably be around 33 cause it's an odd number, which i like. and at that age, I'd probably have my own job, family, car, house and a stable finance. well, hopefully.

~~I felt tension today... cause I haven't started anything yet on my thermodynamics lab report, had a fight with someone and I was worried about this friend of mine who is about to do something that worries everyone else who knows about it.

~~Tonight, i will try... to finish up my lab report which is worth 10% of my final marks in peace without any splashes of stress.

~~When I look at myself in the mirror this morning... I mourne over the fact that I still don't have an iron board cause my headscarf looked like a crumpled rough paper that was ready to be thrown in to a recycle bin, but somehow i managed to hide that sad fact by using a skillful technique :)

~~Shopping malls...steal my money away from me, but unfortunately I love going there. Why do I love shopping so much? adeh...

~~Fast foods are usually... not as delicious as my mom's cooking.

~~Last sentence to a person... was "nanti jumpa kat ym, bai."

I'm tagging these people;

farhana
fiyah
alpi
jani
syahme

sekian, merci beaucoup.

I know! I'm kinda creative eh?

the wait

2009-02-25T16:55:00.002-05:00

i waited, and keep on waiting.
though it's been only less than an hour ago.
but it feels like i've been waiting for a month now.
sometimes i see no point in being in this anymore.
i want to fly away.
away from this.

Just Feel Like To

2009-02-24T09:49:00.003-05:00

raya

grand canyon

la brea

mandalay bay

universal studios

china town SF

San Francisco

Sunny

I miss San Francisco

Mirror

2009-02-23T18:20:00.003-05:00

Don't you wish that you've never met me before?
I feel like my selfishness is taking over me nowadays.
And on top of that, I feel like there is barely an Ångström of willpower to study and stay focus anymore.

Ha... I wish I can turn into a cat. Just sleep. And eat. And play.
One ungrateful bastard you are.

T_T

2009-02-20T10:36:00.011-05:00

I went out, bringing along a bulky parcel that was meant to be sent to my family in Malaysia. Headed to Main St's Tim's, but I suddenly figured that it would be wiser for me to go to the student centre. cause i wanted to withdraw some money after all. I could get my iced capp after that, and then make my way to titles and post the package. So I fought the wind, sacrificing my face which ended up being numb after a long exposure of hard cold blowing. Gaaaaaah. Oh wait before I make a withdrawal, I should just go to titles first cause I can use my debit card to pay for the postage. And titles told me right in my face, we're closed. cursed under my breath. And as I was walking towards the ATM, my sight fell onto some steel that enveloped a space that used to sell donuts everyday except today? A bad word escaped unintentionally from my mouth. Okay so now, I'm left with Keyes Tim Hortons. So off I went. And for the love of my ass, it's closed as well. DUDE! Haven't the wind been so cruel enough to me? I heard the mak cik at the keyes service desk said 11am to me with a smile, and it was 10.20am. tak. kuasa. aku. nak .tunggu. okay. so i went to thode. and i swore that if Thode was also closed today, i'd go back straight to home and kill myself.

nah, i wouldn't do that. but i'd go back home straight away and I'd never go out again. until 3pm-ish (cause i want to go to Missisauga today :D). And as i reached Thode, I dropped by at the vending machine to buy a bottle of iced tea. and that fucking stupid machine gave me some super gassy energy drink which i don't really need. and that happened twice! Two fucking buttons that have an iced tea picture on each of them. but the machine gave me two fucking energy drinks! Gaaaaaaah! What's the purpose of displaying the picture next to the button then? Somebody please give some C4 cause i really wanna blow up that stupid machine right now!

the wind isn't helping at all.

Another Late Assignment

2009-02-18T14:00:00.003-05:00

Rules & Regulations
* Do not copy answers.
* Tag questions must be 100% same.
* Tag people before doing the tag

I tag:
1. nina
2. salmi
3. alepi
4. iera
5. peter
6. suha
7. kok leong
8. pau
9. farisa

How do you know 1? (nina)
her mom is my dad's younger sister. so yeah we share the same grandparents.

What would you do if you never meet 2? (salmi)
i'd hug her bony body till i hear a crack, now that's a satisfaction. cause i haven't seen her since God knows when.

What would you do if 3 & 4 dated? (ira&alepi)
Hahahah, that's kinda hard to imagine. I don't know, depends on the time frame. if they dated earlier enough, I'd be teasing Iera for having a boyfriend and I'd probably not know alpi as much as i know him right now. hahaha. and if they dated in a later time frame, I don't know alpi and I would probably be cool with each other, cause we always do hahaha but I don't know about iera. I think she would try to avoid me as best as she can. would you, iera? hahahah.

Would 5 & 6 make a good couple? (peter&suha)
hahahahahah, yeah... probably...cause suha is fair. Suke ek Peter? Suke durian? wakakaka.

Do you think 7 is attractive? (kok leong)
well, pejal thinks he is, especially when he does the hoola hoop

Would you date 8? (pau)
if she doesn't mind, yeah i would. do you mind pau?

Tell me something about 9. (farisa)
she introduced me to the world of hardcore shopping and brand names

What’s 1’s favourite past time? (nina)
sing kru song, oh la la la at atok's balcony at night time while exchanging letters with dayang senandungs of Kampung Rumbia.

What language does 2 speaks? (salmi)
japanese, i guess. she even writes japanese sometimes.

Who is 3 going out with? (alepi)
hahaha, i know who but i don't really know her. And i don't think they have literally gone out together yet :P

How old is 4? (iera)
I'm pretty sure she's also 22

When was the last time you talked to 5? (peter)
last night when I asked him if he really really likes durian or not, cause he seems like a guy who loves to eat durian with his whole heart :D

Who is 6’s favorite singer? (suha)
peterpan? cause i remember seeing a picture of her with peterpan's concert banner. hahah, suha, euw.

Would you date 7? (kok leong)
Yeah, cause i want to learn chinese language. kok leong, teach me more chinese phrases. ngo sek fan. aiya, lupa suda wor...

Is 8 single? (pau)
According to my recent record entry, she is.

What’s 9’s last name? (farisa)
This is easy, cause i like her last name so i know her last name. it's zaffa. isn't that cool? like if i have that last name, linda zaffa. whoa! man, let's switch last names paris?

No Credit For Late Assignments!

2009-02-18T12:16:00.009-05:00

List these rules on your blog.

Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog.
Tell 7 unspectacular quirks of yours.
Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
Link the person who tagged you.
Leave a comment for each blogger.

Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog.

I hate reading books. I wish there were other easier ways for us to gain knowledge.
If I were to be a sprinter representing my school or college, my colleagues would be spending their whole week indoor in shameful.
It would take forever for me to do a small calculation in my mind. Like if I were to buy a sweater or a jacket that has a discount tag on it, I really have to ask whoever that was with me or if i was alone, I'd need to take out my calculator and punch in the numbers. but of course, who would bring along a calculator to go shopping?
I have lots of plush toys on my bed. hahaha I love plushies.
I am a bad drummer, and I'll never be a good one. Cause my right hand and my leg are like lovebirds that never want to disagree with each other. But in drumming sometimes we need disagreement between our limbs!
I have 8.30am class five times a week. But I only showed up when there was an assignment to be handed in.
I hang out a lot with guys than I do with girls. Thus the existence of the statement, "Linda setengah laki setengah perempuan". It's up to you to believe if the statement is true or not.

Tell 7 unspectacular quirks of yours.

I do weird moves when I beat someone at something.
I distort my face in an ugly way when I don't know what to say every time my eyes greet my friend's eyes (exceptional to other random people, if it was a handsome guy of course I'd smile, kwang kwang kwang...).
I drum with my imaginary drumsticks and drum set when I get lost in reading a confusing chapter especially in quantum mechanics textbook.
When unexpected things happen, say spoons slipping off my hands after I washed them like last night, expect to hear this from me "Oo mak engkau!". I can't control this. And I hate it every time I do that. hahahaha. It's funny though, I'd laugh hearing myself like that. mbaaahahahaha. but it's not really a quirk. There are quite a number of people who have this problem too. but I'll just take that as a quirk of mine.
I howl in the purpose of displaying my excitement.
Laughing out loud when everybody else doesn't.
I do little jumpings that last for only 2 seconds when I'm hearing something that I like.

Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.

Link the person who tagged you.

Pak Aji Lepi

Leave a comment for each blogger.

Yeah sure, I'll do that. Suha I'm not tagging you cause pak aji had already tagged you. So yes this implies that I'm being nice to you. So prepare me a present when I go back at the end of May, insyaAllah :D :D :D

hate

2009-02-03T02:52:00.001-05:00

sengal

2009-02-01T15:11:00.000-05:00

kesengalan seluruh badan.

went snowboarding yesterday. i had a blast. i love snowboarding. with this, i declare that i have fallen in love with snowboarding. i really want to go snowboarding again. though i fell down a thousand times. it didn't matter. what matters is the indescribable feeling that's generated whenever i glide down the hill, though slowly at times, on that 24 cm-ish board. the fact that i felt like i have more control when i was on a board rather than on a pair of long flat thing seduces me to sign up for a uni skiing/snowboarding trip this weekend. but of course, i can't. and i can't blame anyone for that :| i love snowboarding. i don't really like skiing. snowboard for president. any plans of going snowboarding are most welcomed. please let me know.

i love snowboarding.

me. shafi. jatuh banyak kali. hihi.
(they rhyme, ftw)

i have lots of assignments. and i need to get them done. with kesengalan all over my badan. konklusinya,

snowboarding mantap